Why The Desperation?6/21/2010
Picture this, you are 25, finishing grad school, working well in corporate america as well as with your side business. You keep your weave ...
Picture this, you are 25, finishing grad school, working well in corporate america as well as with your side business. You keep your weave tight, your wardrobe great. You go to church, and act like a lady at all times. So why are you still single? You start a blog asking why. You read some other young dumb guys blog as to why you are single. You research and make excuses and try to find SOME REASON that you are single. I mean you have all your other goals met. Now its time to meet that special someone to prove to the world that you are the complete package. That your life isn't in order. But...again, you are still single.
It saddens me that some of you broads life's mission is to become someone's wife. Alot of you went to college to either meet your husband or become better wife material. You bought your own house and car as soon as you could so you could prove your independance and that you don't want him for his money. You spend 1000s of dollars on keeping up your appearance. You fret and start to worry and make millions of posts on relationships and reasons why he's not marrying you. My question is: Why do you want a husband so bad. So soon, so early. Aren't you happy enough with your accomplishments to chill and bask in them a while. Is it because you are looking for validation from society, as a woman.
Men you aren't exempt either, but I think you just have a little more patience when it comes to settling down, so I'm not going to hard on you in this post..for now...
I have thought of a few reasons as to why women (shyt some men too for the most part) are super desperate for marriage, a life partner, a mate. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting a life long companion, it just seems this generation is OBSESSED with it. Its like everything they do in life leads up to finding a life long mate.
What makes us drool over the idea of having a husband?:
1. Just because its another goal - You succeeded at all your other goals. You are successful. You have proven yourself a valuable member of society. This is just another thing to scratch off your list. Just something else to accomplish. Ask yourself the real reason WHY you want a husband so bad. Think about it..REALLY THINK.
2. Fear - Fear of being alone. Fear of being unloved. Fear that no one will want you. You become desperate to prove that you are marriage material. That someone will and can love you. You need someone else to commit to you to so you won't be the only friend w/o a mate or the lonley cat/dog lady. You gotta show your worth to men by having one of your own.
3. Insecurity - You aren't happy with just yourself. Think about all the friends you have. Think about all the family. You just aren't used to it just being you. You may even be a serial dater. Having had 5 long term relationships in the past 10 years. You feel like you aren't NOTHING unless someone of the oppposite sex says that they want you.
4. Daddy issues - your dad left you as a little girl so you didn't have a man in your life telling you were beautiful, worthy, special, needed. You didn't have that man giving you the self esteem you needed. So you feel like you gotta run out and get a man to feel valued.
What this society has taught us is that we need men to validate us. We go by their labels. We try so hard not to be seen as promiscuous. We try to act "perfect" at all times so that men won't see us in a negative light. All so we can meet a husband. This society has taught us that nothing is more important to a woman than having men accept you. As all my readers know..I EFFING HATE IT.
Think about it, you have all that I stated in the first paragraph. You probably have great friends. You have already accomplished a lot. Why on EARTH would you still be desparate for ANY MAN. You have plenty of time. You are not even 30 yet. You dont even know who you are, let alone who you want or need in your life.
Desperation leads to making bad decisions. You marry some dude and find out you can't stand him. You put up with all his shyt for the sake of saying you have a man. You cannot and will not be one of those women without a man. You listen to your man when he says "baby you better than them cause you have a man"
Ladies, we dont "need" them as much as our mothers did. Sure the "best" way to start a family and have kids is through marriage (I have my other views on that, but will leave it alone for now). But why are on earth are we trying to do this as soon as possible. Why don't we "sew our oats" like men? I know we dont have forever to make babies, but that's fine. You don't have to do it today. Live your life, find out who you are. Travel the world. You will meet someone.
Take your time ladies..be happy with yourself. Mr. Right will come along eventually. And he will love you for YOU and not who for who you made yourself to be to please him.
Patrice Williams, better known as True2me is a writer and the creator of www.whatdcpeoplehate.com. A proud native Washingtonian, she provides her views on life through comedy and her own philosophy, which is definitely different from the norm. She loves to laugh make others laugh, sometimes through unconventional means, but fear not, she means no harm nor foul. Follow her on twitter @true2me1