Did you ever offer your love in a shaky situation because you thought you would be able to control it? Seriously. Did you ever date or try to woo someone or allow yourself to BE wooed by someone whom you KNOW good and well is not a match for you? You knew they were too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too broke, too stupid, too ugly, too country, too ghetto, too weird, too quiet, too loud, too corny or just too wack for you. Or maybe on a more mellow note you guys just did NOT share the same values, cares concerns or general ideas about life? But you pursued them anyway? Or allowed them to pursue you, because you thought their shortcomings would give you an advantage in the situation? Or because you wanted to try EXTREME dating (think high levels of inherent danger), so you tried to wrestle down the most Unlike you person you could find?

Listen. Just cut it out. I tweeted recently that bending over backwards to slide under a bar set too low really does leave you in "limbo". It's unnatural, just like being in over your head. Why do you think that just because you have to dumb down, slow down or shrink for someone that you can control them? They are controlling YOU. You’re the one sitting in the “special class” of love when you should be in the honors program. Not them. They are overachieving and everyone involved knows it. And guess what? They are human beings. And that means you can’t control what they do. AND, just as you are covering for them and hovering over them? Another person is willing to do the same thing. SO: while you are steady settling and trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, your slacker boo may ACTUALLY get tired of YOU and move on to the next charitable lover, making YOU feel “settled for”! You see where I am going with this? Stop slumming. Or at least stop trying to make romance with someone that you have to CHANGE in order to love. If you don’t even RESPECT them it isn’t love. If your description of them is full of “if onlys” it isn’t love. If you are waiting for them to DO something or to STOP doing something before you can love them “all the way”, it isn’t love. It’s obsession. Or perceived ownership. Or some other foolishness that is going to leave you brokenhearted or mad as hell when it doesn’t work out. Because it won’t.

You can't drag a person to the top of your mountain. They must be willing to climb their own. Can you imagine literally climbing a mountain trying to DRAG your significant other to the top with you because they are unwilling to even move? What’s going to happen? You’re going to fall backwards and kill both of you right? STOP IT. The other scenario is that a sexy mountain ranger comes along and steals your mate and the supplies and leaves YOU to die on the mountainside with all your energy and resources gone. Get the drift? Let it go. The crazy thing is that many unpolished underachievers still have the gull to live by ego rather than principle. They KNOW you have no business with them so they are going to try to press their luck. OR they are going to guilt you, stress you or suffocate you into wallowing right with them. Don't let them happen to you.

The point is: Live. Love yourself. Admit your dreams and chase them. Remember what makes you happy and allow your heart to find that in others. Be the best you that you can be so that you will have the courage when you meet your match.

Angela Ford Johnson is a Philly-based writer and consultant, affectionately known as Angie Writes. Follow her on Twitter and Tumblr

A friend of mine recently asked me if I thought that some African American’s have kept up with the platform/performance of President Obama or are they just content that there is an African American president?

What do you do when you’re single, nearing 40 and your biological clock is ticking so loud it keeps you up at night? Everyone from your mother, best girlfriends, co-workers and even your gynecologist is asking “So when are you gonna have a baby?”

I’ve always imagined myself and felt very deeply that I was going to be a mother someday. I have always been maternal even as a little girl, I loved and took very good care of my dolls. I was always helping my grandmother look after the children left in her care. And when I was 14, I volunteered at a daycare center in my neighborhood. I was so good with the infants and toddlers that after I finished the required credits needed for school, the director at the center hired me to work two hours after school. Almost every Friday I was coming home with a diaper bag on my shoulder and someone’s baby in my arms for the weekend. I would get us both ready on Monday mornings then drop them off at the center on my way to school. I have always been maternal. The future appeared to have been set…Or so I thought.

Here I am at 37 and though I may not be as accomplished as I would like to be, I’m certainly more accomplished than some. I’ve published a book, founded a non-profit and have worked the same job in corporate America for the past 10 tears. I enjoy my life!

With the passing of each day, I wonder how did my plan get so off course? I guess it can only be explained as “Time waits for no one.” A saying that I heard my grandmother and mother say many, many times when I was growing up. I held off having kids in my 20s, a decision I have now come to regret. And according to my plan, I would be done with child bearing by 40.

I remember my mom saying to me when I was a teenager. “30 is a good age to start having babies. That will allow time for you to achieve some goals.” She had me in her early 20s, and like most good mothers, she wanted my life to be different. So I guess subconsciously I listened to that and took it in. I used my 20s to achieve some goals. Lived my life as I saw fit. Now I’m well into my 30s and the last of my closest girlfriends to become a mother.

Even the ones who were adamant about never wanting children. Now the pressure is on, sometimes I feel so weighed down by it. Especially when I see the 20 somethings with 2 or more children or news reports about another baby abandoned, abused, or killed by a parent. I can’t help but question, why was that child even allowed to be conceived and born to that parent?

What are my options now? At 37 there is certainly not enough time to meet Mr. Right (if there is such a thing). Date him, get to know him, fall in love and marry him. That is, if you wish to do things in divine order.

Adoption is an idea that I’ve tossed around a few times in my head. But like most women, I would prefer to have that blood link and emotional attachment to a child that I carried under my heart for 9 months. Adoption is also expensive and can take years sometimes to be finalized. Plus little black babies are not as easy to come by as you may think.

Then there is the option of making a withdrawal from my local and/or not so local sperm bank. Yet another idea that I’ve considered pretty heavily. During my search both on and offline through various Sperm Bank donor catalogues, I have come to learn that “brothers” will donate their sperm to a female they met in the club, mall or in the streets somewhere. Sometimes a brief relationship is formed, and sometimes it’s merely a one night stand or a “just until something better comes along situation.” But the fact of the matter is Black men are not donating their sperm to sperm banks. 

The ones that do are so popular that by the time I began my search. They are now “retired donors” meaning there are already about 4-5 kids in the world already with the same donor father. That means chances are, I would have to have a biracial child. I’ve accepted that. It’s not my first choice but I’m more than ok with it now.

Once you settle on the bank that’s right for you and your needs. You are required to go through a series of private, space invading, uncomfortable medical tests to determine whether or not you are even capable of conceiving. If you are unable to conceive then depending on how strong your desire for a baby is. You are then introduced to more costly test to pinpoint your particular problem. And if your test show all system are a go. The fees for single and/or lesbian women, who want to have a baby, are ridiculous. The cost for one vile of frozen sperm is between $325-650 based on the series of test the semen have supposedly gone through for various disease and genetic illnesses.

Why should we have to pay that much for something that guys give away for free everyday? Then there is the actual insemination procedure if done in a doctors office will run you about $1,7500. If you choose a home insemination then it’s considerably less. The point is that’s a lot of money to shell out on simply trying to have a baby because there is no guarantee that you will conceive on the first try or that you will even conceive at all. And that doesn’t even include the cost of having the tank shipped to you, which is usually overnight. You are responsible for the returning cost as well.

It almost feels like a punishment for being single or a lesbian. A very, very cruel and unfair punishment for not having or wanting a man. Chances are if you have straight, single male friends, they are probably not going to jump at the chance to be a donor for you. Especially if you say that you don’t want to actually have sex with them. And if you have any gay male friends, which many of us do. That may or may not be an option for either of you.

Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place, up the creek without a paddle and having to sleep in the bed I made. I don’t know what my next move should or is going to be. I just know that I’m a determined woman. Giving up is not in my DNA. I still have the remainder of this year, and 2 more years before my 40th birthday to work it out.

Aria Nicole is a published Author, Poet, and Human Rights Activist. You may learn more about her artistic and humanitarian efforts by visiting her @ www.arianicole.com and www.youreworthit.org www.facebook.com/arianicole or www.twitter.com/mahoganielove

A few weeks ago I wrote this post Girl Please!!! No Wonder You’re Single about women reevaluating their selves when searching for a man. We often feel because we hold certain accolades and accomplishments we deserve a specific type of guy. We sometimes feel because we look good on paper that automatically equates to us having a “good man.” The post was met with a lot of controversy. One young lady’s comment stood out and inspired me to write this post and question how we define a “good man” or a “good partner.” The young lady stated
“Everybody has standards." If a man can only want a certain type of woman, we can want a certain man. If anything needs to change, maybe we need to redefine what a good man is. What good is a man with degrees and wealth if he would be spending your money and sleeping with the nurses while you're in a coma? Maybe good man should be defined by the strength of his character and his willingness to love you, even you're unlovable. You might be surprised to find someone in your life who already loves you like that.”

She made some valid points. What defines a good mate (partner)? We all have different tastes, standards, and requirements. We all have our “list.” I would like to know how you define a “good man (partner)?” What qualities must be met to be defined as “the one”? What qualities do you determine are a “bad man (partner)?” What are some of those things on your “list” that are negotiable? Which ones are non-negotiable? Think about it?

Opinionated, educated, motivated, and dedicated; Stacy Australia isn't afraid to say what she means and mean what she says. She strives to utilize her writings to make this world a little more enjoyable. Her writings are a little of her, a little of you, and a little of the world. Take this ride with her as she travels the road of the many writers before her. Reflect with her as she talks about love, relationships, family, pop-culture, spirituality, sex, and everything in between. Get to know this 20 something Southern Belle as she sips on her sweat tea mix with lemonade while jamming on her IPOD with a pen and paper on her lap. (www.naturalbloggingsofayoungsocialworker.blogspot.com) (http://twitter.com/StacyAustralia)

How does one distinguish friendly advice from criticism? How do you know if someone is genuinely trying to help or being critical of you? Another personality that may steer you away from advice is someone who thinks he holds all the answers to life’s problems. I’m almost sure you know someone who fits this description – they know everything about everything! Well, there are three key determinants in knowing the difference. 



The first is the character of the messenger. Of course, no one will accept advice from someone unfamiliar to them - just any "Joe Blow" on the street. But someone who has your best interest at heart – a sister, best friend or trustworthy co-worker – now that's a different story. Why would they criticize or attack you? If anything, they are trying to protect and shield you from the consequences of a mistake that they have already made. You know, give foresight into your future. Not being judgmental or critical. Just genuinely trying to help you out. 



The second determinant is the motive behind the advice. We’re not stupid or naive. Well, not most of us anyway. We can detect if someone is up to no good. If it has been predetermined that “the advisor” is trying to steal your charming spouse, dream job or just down right out to get you, you know to do the exact opposite of what they advise. But once again, if you know their intent is not malicious and meant to destroy you or your reputation, listen. Whether the source is dear ole Big Mama or that very opinionated friend who can't seem to shut up at times, take heed to their knowledge and wisdom. Once again, they are only looking out for your best interest.

The last factor is simple - the experiences of the adviser. How can someone tell you how to deal with a situation that they have not conquered themselves? Doesn't make sense huh? But, if they have wrestled the same problem and rose from the ordeal victoriously, I deem them a credible source. I can’t say it enough – LISTEN!

For some, any piece of advice comes across as criticism. But that’s a tell-tell sign which reveals internal issues within that individual. This holds true within the African-American community. We have a difficult time accepting advice from others.  No one can tell us anything! We are the last demographic to seek counseling even when we are fully aware that a problem exist.  We still won’t seek help! And if someone even slightly suggests help, we’ll curse them out in Ebonics, Spanish, Creole French and five African dialects simultaneously! For the life of me, I cannot understand it. Of course, the decision to listen and accept advice or perceive it as criticism is totally up to you. But please note, you have been ADVISED of the difference between the two. 


Mikki Zimmerman is a writer, Louisiana native and proud sports-crazed member of the "Who Dat Nation" - supporting the New Orleans Saints since the age of 8.  She is an animal lover, preferable cats and dogs, who is a dreamer with a HUGE imagination.  Currently she is a graduate student working towards an MBA with a concentration in Marketing.  Her first book - Can I Get a Witness? 21 Frustrations of Black Women (Including Me) is available online @ Xlibris.com, Amazon.com or by calling 888-795-4174. 

Life can be filled with challenges and conflicts, but how you handle them can determine how successful you become. It is during these difficult and trying times that our true character is revealed. We women are more resilient than we know. Put our backs against the wall and you will see.

In a new interview on Essence.com, Gabrielle Union discusses how therapy has helped her tune out haters.

ESSENCE.com: How have you learned to mute all the negativity out?
UNION: A lot of therapy. Ron Artest and I sing the praises of therapy. Sometimes you get in your own way and your fear of failure; your fear of your childhood hurts comes back to influence your decisions. All that gets in the way of progress and your own beauty and your own accomplishments and capabilities. And once you get to [asking] ‘why are you so fearful?’ and you can acknowledge it, deal with it and then let it go. You’re free to be fierce and fabulous.

Gabby's been mired in scandal, but it's good to see her speaking candidly about getting help.

So imagine if you were Michelle Fonville:

What would you have done…

What would you have thought…

How would you have felt…

Finished thinking? Good.




So what are you going to do about your health? What type of changes do you plan on making? Or are you just “fine” the way you are?


Speak on it!!

It's hard to deny that we're currently experiencing a drought of well-written Black television. Recently, actress Regina King chided the Emmys for its glaring lack of diversity. While we saw a steady stream of successful tv we were proud to call our own in the 80s and 90s, colorblind casting and out and out discrimination has made stereotype-free small-screen ventures for Black audiences a thing of the past.

We're taking a look back at our favorite female characters. They're strong, funny, sexy, and bold.

Florida Evans
Actress: Esther Rolle
Date: 1974-1979
Throughout the temporary layoffs and easy credit ripoffs, she was the glue that kept the Evans clan together. Florida Evans represents the struggle and sacrifice of a blue-collar matriarch. Despite poverty and the death of her husband, James, Florida managed to raise three witty, well-adjusted children.









Claire Huxtable
Actress: Phylicia Rashad
Date: 1984-1992
There's never any doubt who was in charge when it came to the Huxtable household. She's the mother you wish you had. Equal parts elegance and playfulness Claire Huxtable made balancing a family and a career look like child's play.











Sandra Clark
Actress: Jackee Harry
Date: 1985-1989
When Sandra Clark came on the screen, everyone was looking. Her signature voice and walk set her apart from the other residents of 227. Sandra was sultry and sassy, and she never let anyone steal her light.












Kimberly Reese
Actress: Charnele Brown
Date: 1987-1993
We always admired her focus. Unlike some of her Hillman classmates, Kimberly Reese never had it easy. She worked, she studied, she played (pregnancy scare and all), but ultimately she graduated.  Kim was one of A Different World's most relatable characters, and we were with her all the way.












Aunt Viv #1
Actress: Janet Hubert
Dates: 1990-1993
Despite living amongst the bougiest of the bougie (excuse us "bourgeouis"), Aunt Viv kept it real in Bel Air. She raised her family while never losing herself.









The Ladies of Living Single (Khadijah, Regine, Synclaire, and Max)
Actresses: Queen Latifah, Kim Fields, Kim Coles, Erika Alexander
Dates: 1993-1998
They gave us sex and the city way before it became en vogue. Living single was the first time we saw a set of young, successful Black women who always had each other's backs. They spoke candidly about sex, relationships. sexism, and racism, and we love them for it.





Toni Childs
Actress: Jill Marie Jones
Dates: 2000-2008
Toni Childs is the friend you can only stand in small doses, but when she's around she's hilarious. But Toni was never as simple as she seemed. Beyond her unabashed superficiality, Toni had a backstory that made all of her BS completely worth it.










Dr. Miranda Bailey
Actress: Chandra Wilson
Dates: 2005-present
Dr. Bailey don't take no mess, and that's exactly how she got to the top at Seattle Grace Hospital. She's one of the most realistic Black female characters we've ever seen. Bailey isn't perfect, and that's what makes her great.












Do you see your favorites? Who are you favorite Black women tv characters? 

During my research on my new play, 4 Love, dedicated to women who have HIV and their loved ones, I encountered a lot of women who trusted me with their stories. One thing that I discovered is that most of the women were not the typical statistic that is stereotyped: promiscuous women who are not in a committed relationship.

Instead, most of these women trusted and loved their partner. Even though they were committed to them, he or she often engaged in high risk behavior such as infidelity and drug use. Some of these women were even married. Marriage is the most sacred unions we have in our society. Your partner is the one that you should be able to trust with your life and that is what we are doing each time we have unprotected sex with the one we love.

However, times are changing. We may need to re-think having unprotected sex with our boyfriend of 5 years or more, fineace, and/or husband. According to the CDC, HIV is the number one killer of Black women between the ages of 25-34. The number one risk is throughheterosexual contact via unprotected sex. Do you think our statistics will improve if we insist on not having unprotected sex again?

Despite this reality and the statistics to back it up, we continue to not protect ourselves. How many of us cansay that every time we had sex we used a condom? One woman told me that putting an emphasis on a condom, is not part of the solution, instead it just places blame. That is the last thing we want to do because blame reinforces stigma. Well, what's the solution? What are some solutions to this growing problem in our community? When do you think you should stop using a condom?

Dr. Shondrika Moss-Bouldin is currently directing the production, 4 love: a dedication to women of color who have HIV and their loved ones (www.fourlove.org ). Dr. Moss-Bouldin enjoys conducting workshops on theatre and professional development. For further information, please visit www.soulploitation.com and dramaticdynamics.com

(Please note: All events and names of people and/or places in the following text are fictional and used only as “fillers” for the purpose of this column.)


Everything isn’t for everybody. Yet Yoga seems to be a fast-growing exception to the rule. It seems everywhere I go and almost everyone I meet are on their way to a yoga session. There was a time when I believed that no “fad” worth its salt is anything if it wasn’t black-woman approved. Not only does yoga have massive crossover appeal, it is also sister-approved, tried and tested. The tester in me decided to attend a class a friend of mine teaches at Washington, DC’s Anacostia Community Center in the heart of one of the city’s oldest remaining, non-gentrified areas. Translation: Where the black folk live. After purchasing a yoga mat at the neighborhood $5 store (yes they sell yoga mats there now), I headed to the Thursday evening session eager and ready to simply get my stretch on.

The class was not only humming with excitement, it was a full house. Women of all shapes, sizes and complexions unrolled their mats, took their spaces and immediately began their warm-up stretches in preparation. No CP time here. Although the attendees were diverse in their backgrounds and physical appearance, there was a common energy in the room. Every woman there was ready for Yoga. They came expecting a release from their hectic days and a holistic experience they’d come to appreciate and love. This was their sacred space, they were in it and it showed.

The transformative effects of yoga from a physical standpoint are very real and widely known. It increases muscle tone and joint flexibility, reduces hypertension and boosts cardio and lung health. The spiritual effects of yoga are less tangible to measure and are therefore considered anecdotal. However, yoga instructors and dedicated practitioners will gladly share their perspectives on the spiritual effects of being a yogini (female practitioner). The roots of Yoga as a practice are derived from Hindu spiritual beliefs and teachings. Wikipedia aptly describes yogini as a term tantric scholars use to identify women who are “independent” and “outspoken with graceful spirits, without whom Yoga would fail to achieve its full, fruitful purpose.” Yoginis are women who are able to access their spiritual centers through meditation and mastery of the asanas (yoga poses).

Spiritually speaking yoga is far more than just a way to get a good stretch at the end of the day or to get into shape without having to run a mile or two. The fact that its seemingly low impact poses are what calls so many women of color to classes and sessions around the country gives credence to the spiritual manifestation and success of the yoginis’ work over the years. Jeannine Maat, Yogini and instructor at the Anacostia Community Center says, “Once you‘re hooked, you have no choice but to transform spiritually.” She adds, “What better way to achieve spiritual freedom than to not seek it at first and then blossom gradually. It’s so natural, so beautiful, and so liberating for black women to give themselves that gift.” It would seem that the gift was there all along and Yoga provides a light and a key to access the door within.

If you are interested in trying yoga, go online and look for centers in your area or dedicated schools. Most schools offer introductory specials with no obligation. Everything isn’t for everybody, but yoga is certainly worth the try.
Namaste!

Shelly Iyabode is a priestess of Yemoja in the traditional Ifa practice and a Tai Chi Chuan practitioner. She embraces and integrates earth spiritual practices as a way of life. She is a communications professional and senior production manager for a national magazine. Blogging and writing are her outlets for connecting and sharing 'lightweight soul nourishment' for women in the urban world. She lives in Maryland.

Bob Marley's daughter pleads guilty to drug charge

via The Grio:

The youngest child of reggae legend Bob Marley has admitted growing marijuana in her Philadelphia-area home.

The Daily Local News of West Chester reports 29-year-old Makeda Jahnesta Marley pleaded guilty Tuesday to having nearly a dozen large marijuana plants inside her home in Caln, about 30 miles west of Philadelphia.

Michelle Obama Hosts First Salute to Dance at White House

via BV Black Spin:

First Lady Michelle Obama hosted her first series of dance performances as part of an event honoring Alvin Ailey's iconic artistic director, Judith Jameson (pictured left), who will be stepping down after a solid 20-year run.

Not only did the legendary Alvin Ailey dancers perform, but also on hand were members of the Paul Taylor Dance Company, the Washington Ballet, the New York City Ballet and Super Cr3w from MTV's 'America's Best Dance Crew,' who all showered Jamison with heartfelt emotion.

The first lady was accompanied by her daughters and mother. Obama was observed clapping after each performance but literally leaped to her feet after Broadway's Dayton Tavares (top right) strutted his stuff on stage as one of the high-flying Billy Elliots.

Basketball Wives Star Royce Reed Calls Police After Dwight Howard Picks Up Son From Daycare

via TMZ:

It all went down on August 26 when Howard -- who is in an ongoing custody war with baby mama Royce Reed -- went to pick up their 2-year-old son. Reed, we're told, flipped out and called the cops because she claimed the custody agreement didn't give Howard the right to pick the child up that day.

Reed showed up at the day care center for a showdown, but Howard had already left with the kid.

The cops called Howard ... and the NBA star explained he and his ex made a new agreement ... giving him the right to cart his kid away that day. But ... after speaking with lawyers from both sides, the cops handed down their verdict -- a new custody agreement was discussed but never signed.

The cops ordered Howard to return the child to the day care center, stat. Howard's nanny -- the Henry Kissinger character -- took the boy back to school and Reed took him home.

Beyonce Settles Trespassing Lawsuit

via TMZ:

We just spoke with Philip Markowitz -- the guy who sued Beyonce and her production crew back in May for allegedly wreaking havoc in his neighborhood -- and dude told us he just scored a 5-figure settlement to drop the case.

As we previously reported, the trouble began when Beyonce used a home in the Hollywood Hills to shoot a music video for the song "Why Don't You Love Me" ... and the crew allegedly trespassed onto Markowitz's driveway.

The internet is going crazy over a newly released song from Jada and Will's youngest. Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair" is a typical pop/hip-hop track, but should a 9 year-old be entering the music industry? How young is too young?

See the picture up above? Yes the one with Rosa Parks on a bus and the Apple logo in the corner that says “Think Different”. Well it pisses me off! See the picture implies that Steve Jobs’ company “Apple” thinks differently much like Rosa Parks. Before Apple products such as Mac computers and Ipods became popular, Microsoft products dominated the technological industry. So what Apple was attempting to convey to their consumers is that by buying their products you are going against the grain; fighting the man, behaving in a non-conformist manner, trying something new, something brave and something worthy of praise much like Rosa Parks. *gags*

The PROBLEM: Buying some fuckin’ new technology is nothing comparable to the (often tumultuous) struggle for RACIAL EQUALITY!!! Rosa Parks didn’t sit on that bus to be cool nor did she sit there because she was trying something new! Rosa Parks wasn’t sitting on that bus because she “thought differently”, in fact many colored folks were thinking the same thought: which is that we are human beings and deserve to be treated with equality, respect and human dignity!!

See Apple, like many other corporations, hijack our success stories about the struggle for freedom and attempts to use it as a marketing tool.

*Notice that they only use socially acceptable struggles like that of race or gender, if they really want to be progressive I DARE THEM TO ADVOCATE FOR TRANSGENDER RIGHTS or against police brutality*

Well recently another mega corporation, Verizon, decided to engage in this foolery with the commercial below:







See that women and racial minorities? All that is necessary in undermining structures of inequality is to buy whatever it is that Verizon is selling. Have an opportunity to equally “rule the air.” Attain a Verizon product that will help you fight sexism and racism all in one pretty bunch! *snark*

Well this is how our very “socially progressive” Verizon decided to further their stated cause in achieving social equality: by potentially striking a deal with Google that would further compromise consumer access to the internet. According “The New York Times” article:

                “ Google and Verizon, two leading players in Internet service and content, are nearing a deal that will now allow Verizon to speed some online content to Internet users more quickly if the content’s creators are willing to pay for the privilege.”
                 YAY!! You know what this means our Google searches will provide us with the highest bidder! I love how corporations (yes entities with the resources that can afford to engage in such shenanigans) find ways to constantly dominate all aspects of my life. They control what I watch on TV, what I listen to on the radio. If this deal were to pass they would control which news website’s spin on a story that I would read or which pornographic website I would use in fulfilling my ungodly desires *OMGEE mom! Don’t read this*.
               “The agreement could eventually lead to higher charges for Internet users.”
               Of course, higher charges means that those without the finances, poor people, further relinquish accessibility to the internet. Since we know that class is gendered and racialized (higher rates of Blacks, Latinos and Women live in poverty) this will surely NOT help with marginalized group achieving equality !! YAY!! *snark*

Also let the record show that there is a vast amount of knowledge available on the internet. Access to the internet is pivotal to the intellectual enrichment of many!

• “Such an agreement could overthrow a once-sacred tenet of Internet policy known as net neutrality, in which no form of content is favored over another.”

So let me rephrase the above Verizon commercial for you in a manner that reflects the possible effects of their deal !

Air has many prejudices.
It does carry the opinions of the wealthy over the internet faster than for those unwilling to subscribe to corporate bully.
It does filter out ideas .
Air is very aware if one is black or white as class is extremely racialized.
Air doesn’t care if it reinforces classist/sexist/racist structures , so it stands to reason that one’s ideas will be powerful IF THEY ARE WILLING TO PAY!
THEY (corporations) will lead the army that we will follow!

I am a twenty something year old college student with many plans for the future. I am a self identified egalitarian, although I don’t mind being referred to as an African feminist. I care deeply about racial equality, class equality, gender equality, GLBTQ rights, disabled rights, sex worker rights, religious freedom and prison reform. You can find some of my work at http://egalitarianmistress.blogspot.com/.

After nine months without so much as a public sneeze Tiger Woods’ now ex -wife, Elin Nordegren sat down with People magazine for an in-depth, tell all interview. During the 19 hour tête-à-tête Elin told her side of the story regarding the tabloid frenzy surrounding Tiger’s affairs and how all the drama affected her and her family. While she may not have said anything particularly earth shattering, her behavior during the past nine months and the subsequent People interview make an interesting case study in the tome of women scorned and though white women are generally regarded as “Black Men’s Kryptonite” in this particular case, Elin may need to be hailed as a Black Woman’s role model.

Now before you go throwing me the side eye, give me a minute to share several observations I made about how Elin handled herself and what sistas can take away from her example.

4. She did not sell herself short. We’ve heard the stories about celebrity wives who are publicly humiliated by their husbands’ elicit affairs only to be placated with diamonds, vacations and other lavish gifts. Then we sit around and say something like, “Well the way he embarrassed her she deserved a rock that big but she knows better to leave him, as much as that man’s worth!” Well, Elin said that she is not the one and felt her dignity was worth far more than anything that Tiger could buy. When all was said and done, she refused trade her self-respect for some bling and a farce of marriage.

3. If you can’t trust your man, you can’t be with him. “We tried to work it out, we really did,” Elin is quoted as saying. “But without trust and love,” it just couldn’t work. While this would seem fundamental, too many sistas are willing to stay in a relationship that has no trust. I don’t know if we’re all spooked by the never ending parade of news stories about the shortage of black men and declining number of black marriages, but we’ve got to stop compromising our peace of mind and giving these men pass after pass just so that we can say we’re in a relationship. If you feel like you’ve got to watch his odometer and look through his phone, he’s not worth it. I promise.

2. Silence is the Golden Rule. For months Elin remained silent as rumors spread and speculation circulated. Even as details of Tiger’s philandering emerged and the late-night jokes started, Elin stayed mum. She wasn’t by his side at nary a press conference nor was she answering questions as the paparazzi hounded her at gas stations and grocery stores. She didn’t bemoan to anyone who would listen about how hurt she was and she didn’t try to exact revenge by scouring Tiger’s name. As a result, I’m guessing, she was able to come away from her divorce with more than enough in her bank account to keep herself and her children comfortable ‘til the end of days. What’s more, she was able to control her story and image by opening up to the public on her terms when the time was right.

1. Don’t use your children as pawns. Based on a scene described where Tiger unexpectedly arrives to drop the kids off and Elin reminds her children to kiss their father goodbye, it’s evident that she is determined to ensure that her children have a healthy relationship with their dad. She isn’t pitting them against him or bad mouthing him within ear shot. That demonstrated level of maturity will serve her children well in the long run and help them grow into well adjusted people. I know it can be hard when a relationship goes bad and you’re left with raw emotions but to use your children as pawns to exact revenge on your ex is only going to hurt them in the long run and do more to damage the black family.

So ladies, regardless of what you think about Elin’s intentions and how her marriage played out, you have to admit that in some ways she has set a standard for how to leave an unhealthy relationship with your dignity intact, your children happy and healthy and a lesson in love that can only serve you well the next time around.

- Kaela Harmon

You have a Bachelor and possibly a Masters degree. You pay your own bills. You keep your hair and nails. You always stay fly. You do not have any kids. You stay drama and disease free. You possibly own your own home. You are an independent woman.
So am I and so are almost all the females I know. But yet you wonder why you are single? None of these qualities warrants you a good man. If all you have to offer is the list above you are no different from me and I am no different from you.

I see more and more of us ‘educated’, ‘independent’, “I got my own” women feel we deserve to have this good man because we have ourselves together. Congratulations on getting through college and graduate school, I know it was a long hard road (especially for me). But we get so caught up in being ‘Miss Independent’ you are so supposed to pay your bills, you are supposed to take care of yourself, you are supposed to stay fly, you are supposed to know how to cook rather you are in a relationship or not. You want a gold star because you are an ‘independent woman??’ Girl Please!!!

We feel we deserve a good man with these same qualities and accomplishments. We find ourselves asking our friends “Girl, I don’t know why he doesn’t want me, I got myself together” or “Girl, I don’t know why he be tripping, I got this, this, and this.” Once again I pose this question to you “And, so what?” That’s it? Your best qualities are the fact you are educated, no kids, ‘independent’, and ‘disease and drama free’. Those are the best qualities you have to offer your mate?? If these qualities are all you have to offer do you really think you are going to find the relationship you want?

Another thing I see us ‘educated’, ‘single’, ‘independent’ women getting caught up in is social status. We think because of our accolades we are better than women who do not hold the same titles. We sometimes wonder “Why is he with her, she got 2 kids by different baby daddies.” I admit, I have been guilty of judging women because they did not have the accolades I possessed. I have talked amongst my peers stating “ugh, why do he want her she has 3 kids” or “Why do he want her, she don’t have any education, ghetto self.” I am guilty and I apologize. I felt entitled as if obtaining my Bachelors and Masters Degree equates to me having a good man. But I realize it does not work like that, for me, for you, for any of us.

For all you ladies seeking mates rethink your elevator speech. Rethink the misconception you are entitled a man because you are independent, educated, no kids, pay your bills, disease and drama free. Spend less time thinking about how you look on paper and more time thinking about the inner you. What qualities and attributes do you have to offer besides “I’m independent?” Are you supportive? Are you compassionate? Are you loving? Are you encouraging? What else do you have to offer besides “Miss Independent” If you think the only reason you DESERVE a good man is because you are ‘independent’ THINK AGAIN.

Opinionated, educated, motivated, and dedicated; Stacy Australia isn't afraid to say what she means and mean what she says. She strives to utilize her writings to make this world a little more enjoyable. Her writings are a little of her, a little of you, and a little of the world. Take this ride with her as she travels the road of the many writers before her. Reflect with her as she talks about love, relationships, family, pop-culture, spirituality, sex, and everything in between. Get to know this 20 something Southern Belle as she sips on her sweat tea mix with lemonade while jamming on her IPOD with a pen and paper on her lap. (www.naturalbloggingsofayoungsocialworker.blogspot.com) (http://twitter.com/StacyAustralia)

This is the final installment of our Most Inspiring Black Women on Twitter list. Thank you so much for your input and support. Find Part 1 and Part 2 of the list here.

@faraichideya
Why We Love Her Timeline:
@faraichideya is a celebrated author and journalist who offers her musings on the future of media. Her astute political and cultural commentary always makes us think.

@proftriciarose
Why We Love Her Timeline:
Take note when this woman tweets. She's a hip hop scholar who rarely delivers anything short of brilliance.

@dreamhampton313
Why We Love Her Timeline:
She conquered the Hip Hop world by the power of her pen. She's an OG who can call the best rappers alive her friends. Now she's using her voice to make change.

@tferg3
Why We Love Her Timeline:
@tferg3 followed her dream to create the premiere shopping guide for Black women. Her tweets are all about her life of being Editor in Chief.

@CRicePR
Why We Love Her Timeline:
Experience the life of an up and coming PR maven through her tweets. She's funny and focused, and she always keeps it real.

@adriarichards
Why We Love Her Timeline:
The world of tech can be a scary place. Thankfully @adriarichards is always there to guide you thrugh it. Her timelime is full of useful tips and tricks to make your tech experience a little bit easier.

@funkybrownchick
Why We Love Her Timeline:
This is the type of sex in the city we can't get enough of. @funkybrownchick is known for keeping it real about sex and the single girl.

@feminista09
Why We Love Her Timeline:
Feminism can be be divisive, but @feminista09 gives feminists everywhere a good name. She's a mainstream media watchdog who never hesitates to point out inequities in our culture.

@juneambrose
Why We Love Her Timeline:
Her passion shines through. This is the woman responsible the luxe hip hop aesthetic of the 90s. Her updates are interesting and often hilarious. @juneambrose is a must follow for anyone looking to enter the world of fashion.

@jeanettejenkins
Why We Love Her Timeline:
She provides constant motivation for getting and staying in shape. As a Black woman, we're confident @jeanettejenkins knows our challenges. That's why we trust her.

@sherrieshepherd
Why We Love Her Timeline:
@sherrieshepherd has never shied away from being 100% candid about her past and present struggles. Through it all, she's shown a survivor's spirit.

@abiolatv
Why We Love Her Timeline:
@abiolatv created her own media empire by the power of her electric personality. She continually reminds us that if you have a dream, you've got to go for it.
@MADvision
Why We Love Her Timeline:
@MADvision brought a desperately needed voice to the world of fashion, and now she lends her voice to cultural commentary and critique.

@donnabrazile
Why We Love Her Timeline:
She's a famed political strategist who provides invaluable insight into our electoral process.


@ZerlinaM
Why We Love Her Timeline:
Who needs cable news? Get all of your political updates from this smart as a whip law student.

The phrase "drop and gimmie fifty" sounds like one you would hear a drill sergeant yell at a military training camp as punishment for a mistake.  Or you may even hear a disgusted coach scream it to one of his players on a football field during practice.  It is a very authoritative phrase. Some might even find intimidating.  So why is this statement along with others like "drop it like it's hot", "bust it wide open", and “make it rain” common in today's hip-hop music?  I love hip-hop.  Always have.  But how did we go from the positive lyrics of the 80's and early 90's - Public Enemy's "Fight the power", Queen Latifah's "Ladies first", and Tupac's "Keep ya head up" to the stupid misogynistic lyrics of the 21st century. 

You would think with the derogatory language directed toward women in this new breed of rap that we would be offended and disgusted by it.  But we’re not.  We love it! Not only do we listen to it, we follow the directions and carry out the ridiculous demands like a new Army recruit receiving orders.  For instance, "drop and gimmie fifty" refers to women, preferably strippers, dropping to floor into a split and gyrating fifty times. And with the speed of Jamaican Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt, we sprint to the center of the dance floor as soon as we hear the beat. We’re not ashamed either. We'll drop and give him seventy-five or a hundred.  Not just fifty.

To make matters worse, the instructions in the lyrics are ambiguous and get more outrageous with every new single released.  "Put your right hand in the air.  Put your left hand in your underwear" is what one particular song, that was played every thirty seconds across radio airwaves a few years ago, instructed listeners to do.  Okay, then what?  Shake something? My hair or my butt, maybe? Be more specific. I even asked my son DeAndre’ for the next step in this sequence. "Ask Mike Jones", (the artist) is what he advised me to do because he didn’t know either.

Many hip-hop fans, especially teenagers, claim they “only listen to the beat". But is it possible to just listen to the beat? You cannot tune out the filth and stupidity that oozes through the speakers. The lyrics have gotten so bad that I only listen to old school hip-hop and a select few artist like T. I., Common and Kanye West.  Ask my son, my radio station stays tuned to smooth and mellow R&B or classic hip-hop.  Yes, I am a huge hip-hop fan just as the character Sidney Shaw in the 2002 movie “Brown Sugar”. I really am. But I cannot get with these new lyrics. And I’ll give you three reason why: I refuse to drop and give anybody anything, the only thing I will bust wide open is a cold frosted 12 or 16 oz Dr. Pepper, and the only person I want to make it rain is God himself!

It’s funny how suddenly your world can be flipped upside down. Life as you knew it gone in a flash as if you have just been a victim of some natural disaster tragedy. Only there was no tornado, hurricane, earthquake or flood reported on the evening news. That’s exactly what happened to me in the winter of 2003. After countless visits to the doctor and several MRI’s, the outcome was that somehow, a chronic illness Multiple Sclerosis (MS) had invaded my body.

I was devastated, the only thing I knew about this disease was that a few celebrities’ actress Lola Falana, Talk Show Host Montel Williams, singer Tamia, and comedian Richard Pryor had all publically announced that they had been diagnosed with MS. And all the doctors were able to tell me was that “We don’t know the cause, and there is no cure, but we’re going to put you on this drug. It’s a shot that you will have to take everyday for the rest of your life…Or, until a cure is found. It will help you to manage your symptoms and pain.” Only it didn’t. What it did was pacify my symptoms and pain until the next exacerbation, which after a few years starting to come more and more frequently.

I took the drugs for awhile and tried to maintain my life as normally as possible considering I was often times weak and in a lot of pain. There was a brief period when I was even dependent on a cane. However, I continued work my 9 to 5 job, traveled whenever I could, publish my first book of poetry “The Evolution Beyond Words & Poetry” and founded a non-profit called W.O.R.T.H. “Women’s Organization of Rebirth Through Healing” which is an advocacy group for women and children survivors of war in the Congo. I guess you could say I was getting along fairly well considering.

In the late winter of 2010, I began feeling the onset of a new flare up coming on. And due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to seek a new neurologist and he told me after meeting me for all of 20 minutes during my first visit with him that he didn’t think my current medication was continuing to help me and suggested I try a new drug. Then he casually said to me, “Oh, and 1 out of 1000 people could develop a brain infection." He gave me an information packet to read over about all of the wonderful ways this drug could and would improve my life.



There were also testimonies from people who have supposedly chosen to take this drug and how their life had changed. Since I didn’t know those people and had not been apart of their journey. I was skeptical. That’s when I read the words. “Brain infection that could result in severe disability or death.” Those were my only two options? It was precisely at that moment that I decided that spending the rest of my life dependent on drugs was no longer an option for me. That is not my idea of living.

I began an intensive search both on and offline and decided that natural alternative healing was/is my best chance at living my life on my terms. I began seeking care and guidance from a Naturopathic Physician who designed a program specifically to treat the cause of my illness and not just the symptoms I was having. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a whole person again and not like MS!

We started with ridding my body and system of all the nasty toxins that were making me sick in the first place. My detoxification consisted of getting regular colonics, infrared sauna sessions and natural detoxifying supplements for my specific needs. Acupuncture and massages were also apart of my program. I started doing yoga on a regular basis and I became 90% vegan and 80% raw vegan. I bought 2 juicers one for home and one for the office, so that I could increase my daily intake of organic raw fruits and veggies.

All of the information I found during my online research and in the many, many books that I read on how to eradicate MS -- information that the medical doctors never told me about nor do they support -- suggest that those simple life adjustments were all it took to reverse my MS symptoms. Having done and continuing to do those things, I am no longer on medication. Now my food is my medicine, and I feel better than I have felt in years! I have a lot more energy and stamina. I’m also a lot stronger physically and mentally than I was before I started living a healthier lifestyle. And now when someone ask me how I’m feeling. I can honestly say to them, “I feel WONDERFUL” and mean it!

Often times we, especially women of color, are so caught up in our day to day lives. We want the quick fix miracle drug, and we put all of our faith and trust in the hands of Medical doctors who in my opinion are legalized drug dealers. The miracle drug cannot be found in any doctor’s and/or pharmaceutical drug company’s prescription. I believe, based on my experience that the miracle is in God, raw foods and in faith that you can beat the odds and win with any hand that you’ve been dealt.

The MIRACLE is in trusting and believing that no matter what, when it comes to your life. You are the only one who can take back control.

Aria Nicole is a published Author, Poet, and Human Rights Activist. You may learn more about her artistic and humanitarian efforts by visiting her @ www.arianicole.com and www.youreworthit.org
www.facebook.com/arianicole or www.twitter.com/mahoganielove