Five Things I’ve Learned as a Single Woman

This list is a compilation of the things I’ve learned while being single and dating in this crazy world. I have tons more things I could share, but I believe these are the most important.

1. Women don’t really know what they want- We make these lists, conjure up this fantastic man with all these qualities, and when he’s staring us right in the face, we don’t want him.  “Something’s just not right” we may say or “He’s too nice” or “He’s too much of a mama’s boy” or something!   I’ve realized I need to be open to all possibilities (within reason) and just be happy doing me.  I’m sure when the right guy comes along, I’ll know, and I bet he won’t have any qualities I’ve put on my list, except being a Christian; that’s non-negotiable.

2. All of your attached friends will try to hook you up- As the saying goes, “Misery loves company”, and I think the same is true for love.  Within the past month, two friends, one a newlywed and the other in a new relationship, have made suggestions on how to meet a guy or hinted that they know someone who’s a great catch.  I know their hearts are in the right place, and as my “play” auntie said, “Most women who are in relationships want their friends to be happy and in relationships, too.”  So, I’ll enjoy the attention, and if it’s meant to be, hopefully a nice young lad will come my way.

3.  The grass is not always greener on the other side- A few years back, I stated to a friend that had been married for a few years and had one child that, “I want what you guys have.  You seem to have everything together.”  As she kindly pointed out to me, things are not always as they appear to be.  It’s so easy to be on the outside looking in because you only see what people want you to see.  You don’t know the work, time, hours, frustrations, etc. that go into making a relationship work.  And as she told me a few weeks ago, “Enjoy your being single, because before you know it, you will have a husband and some children, and your time won’t be your own.” Yeah, I never really thought about that.  I enjoy coming and going as I please and not having to tell anyone my plans-I just go.  That will ALL change once I get a man.

4. Guys appreciate the little things, too- On a date a few weeks ago, the guy opened the door for me as we were leaving the movies.  As he walked around the car, I opened the door for him.  He was genuinely surprised and stated that NONE of the girls he dated had done that before.  Needless to say, I think I made a favorable impression on him.  Guys like it when we do nice things for them, ladies, so I strongly suggest just as your man does nice little things for you that you do the little things for him; he will be greatly appreciative!

5. Sometimes, I’m a little backwards- So, let me explain.  When I see a guy that I think is attractive, I won’t approach him, I won’t talk to him, and I won’t let on that I think he’s cute.  I may try to catch his eye and smile, but that’s the extent of it.  If I meet a man that I’m not remotely attracted to, I become this cute, bubbly, friendly, flirty girl.  I know-backwards.  But I think subconsciously, I become this girl because I feel like I have nothing to lose; I’m not trying to impress him, so it’s easy for me to be open and friendly.  As my friends have pointed out to me, I can approach a guy I think is cute.  Even if he’s not feeling me, no love lost as I will probably never see him again.  Not sure if I totally believe that as DC is hella small, and I’ve seen a couple of men a time or two around the city.  But we’ll see if I can grow in this sense…

LaToya Grant is a Government contractor, beauty artist, and freelance writer that currently resides in Washington, DC. She is a true Southern Belle that shares her life experiences on her blog Southern Girl in the City ( She is an optimist, reality TV junkie, beach lover, Black History buff, daughter, friend, and appreciator of life. LaToya can be found on Twitter as Evolving Elle at

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