Here We Go 'Round the Mulberry Bush: Why Lowering Your Standards Doesn't Work

“Why do things like this always happen to me?” she said. It was no secret she used men to fill a void so cavernous Dracula would get lost. Do I tell her that she is a repeat offender? Once again she chose his needs over hers and found little to no reciprocation. You may think you are not in her boat…but are you jumping into a plush yacht? As women we believe that we have high standards. I do not know about you, but I have lowered mine a few times only to find the booby prize in the bottom of Crackerjack box. Low standards can creep up on a person. It all starts with small indiscretions.

Maybe you conceded to wear the dress he liked to the Super Bowl viewing party. You knew when he bought the dress that it made you feel less than honorable. How about the man you were dating for two weeks who decided he does not have to get out of the car to pick you up anymore. He simply honks his car horn and rings your phone repeatedly. Is that him I hear yelling your name through his car window causing a scene outside your home?

How many times have we as women hoped that we could change a man? Yes, we have undeniable power, but making boys into men, is not one of them. Willing someone to love and value you will not happen either. Most women of color are portrayed as expecting too much from our men. We are depicted nagging over every minor thing. But we have forgotten the other side of the spectrum.

Many women expect a great deal from their dates, boyfriends, and husbands because they give a great deal to them. However, what happens when we have thrown in our hand early in the game, like mindless desperate beings that acquiesce to every demand and subtle nudge? If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times, “Jim doesn’t like it when I hang with my girls” and “Isaac can’t stand when I wear flats.”

The women in these relationships are busy minding what displeases their men. Whoever said you can truly please someone by avoiding their dislikes is a liar. Pretty soon his likes are left to the wayside along with your own. Spontaneity & creativity are non-existent and you have run yourself ragged trying to please someone who may never be happy in your relationship.

Let the man show some initiative. Does he respond when you ask him to be more punctual or to keep his word? Does he listen when you speak and contribute relevant words to the conversation? By no means do I suggest a quid pro quo dynamics to your relationship, but ladies we deserve better.

Try not to leave so much to the imagination. Show him you are worth it by verbalizing what you want in a confident, but gentle way. Be upfront with your expectations. If a man says he is not looking for a relationship, believe him. If his mouth says he desires a relationship, but his actions do not follow, address the matter. If there is no change in his behavior; reevaluate what you want and recognize what you have. Be brave. Get what you want from a man, but remember happiness starts from within.

Keisha McLean has always had a passion for words and writing. Her love for God, community, music and youth can be attributed to the women in her upbringing. She enjoys singing and listening to a broad variety of music. Keisha admits she spends a bit too much time on social media networks and blogging. However, she stays grounded by facilitating life skills workshops for teenagers.

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