The media suggests that if black women can’t cook, clean or are too educated or we won’t find a mate. Well I am here to tell you: You are perfect just the way you are.
Your inability to spit shine your kitchen floor will not keep you from meeting the mate of your dreams nor will your ability to pick stocks better than your broker. But your low self esteem and you buying into the hype that you are not good enough will stop you from meeting a quality mate.
No other race puts such demanding, unattainable standards on their women. Black women are constantly being told that we are not good enough for one reason or another. If we get an advanced degree and score a six digit salary then we are too driven and according to the Yale Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course less likely to marry. On the other side of the coin if a woman has not finished school and makes a lesser salary. She is labeled a “bird” and men are instructed to stay away from her because she may be a gold digger.
If a woman is too outspoken she’s a bitch, if she is too meek she’s a victim…the list is endless.
At what point do we say, ‘This is who I am and I am enough’. I am in no way suggesting that women should become complacent, on the contrary; please do continue to improve who you are, live a healthy lifestyle, educate yourself. But do not think that you have to follow some well laid out plan to get a mate.
Now, I’m sure Steve Harvey will disagree with me, but trust me not being yourself is a sure fire to attract someone who likes and falls in love with…well, not the REAL you.
I know many women that can make biscuits that will melt in your mouth, clean like the maid brigade and are single. I also know women that can’t boil a pack of ramen noodles and are happily married.
It angers to me to see women telling other women that they are not worthy of love because they can’t do certain things. It is sad and oppressive. I don’t care how many food network shows you watch, some people will never be good cooks, just like some women will always be better at climbing the corporate ladder and some women are naturally skinny and some are not.
When will we start to appreciate the individual?
I was with a man who loved to cook, he insisted on cooking dinner every night because he wanted to, it brought him joy. Should I have clothes lined him in the kitchen and pried the spatula from his hand so that I could fulfill my womanly duties?
Let’s top judging ourselves and each other. Work to realize your natural talents, continue to learn new things and most importantly love yourself.
Candace Tyler is a writer, mother and social media enthusiast. During the day she works as a marketing coordinator and other times she writes short stories, blog posts, and scribbles in her journal. She has lived all over the United States but calls the Washington DC area home. Candace is very imaginative and enjoys yoga, dancing with her daughter and Twitter.
Monday, January 3, 2011
For Harriet is an online community for women of African ancestry. We encourage women, through storytelling and journalism, to engage in candid, revelatory dialogue about the beauty and complexity of Black womanhood. Learn more.