You Heard Me Right Sista, I DID Pay You A Compliment5/24/2011
I want a pair of Loubies. AKA a pair of red bottoms. AKA a pair of shoes by designer Christian Louboutin, if you happened to be somewhere l...
I want a pair of Loubies. AKA a pair of red bottoms. AKA a pair of shoes by designer Christian Louboutin, if you happened to be somewhere living comfortably under a rock. #imnotjudging. He can be equated to this decade's Manolo Blahnik. A pair of coveted Loubies are hard to come by if you're working class like myself, and living on your own in New York. Still and all, with all of those obstacles to consider, there are those ladies who have made it their business to acquire a pair of the hot shoes of the moment.
I don't envy those ladies. I respect them. I'm not talking women who sleep around for trinkets and gifts. Some might not even go that far but to even open up your mouth and ask someone for something that you can't afford yourself, rather than working hard to get it is not something I endorse. But a sister who's worked hard to be able to afford to treat herself and know she's worked hard for it, now that I can get with. Usually, if I see someone rocking them, and rocking them right, I have no problem saying, "Girl, you killin' them shoes", or something to that effect.
I saw a girl walking on the street a few days ago, and she had on some fly thigh high boots. I told her as much. She thanked me but I couldn't tell if she was being dry, or if she was genuinely stunned I'd paid her a compliment. It's sad that it's more surprising for another woman to compliment you, then it is for them to be sizing you up for something to use against you. Obviously it says more about the hater than the person who's being appraised, but I always wonder, are we that hard pressed for approval that we can't openly applaud someone when they've done something worth acknowledging?
Granted the examples provided before were of material things, but it's usually the material and superficial things that divide us. That we compete for. I would be happy to hear women saying, "Oh that b*tch, got a doctorate, I can get one too". And really do it. Maybe that wouldn't be as progressive as is sdesirable, but it'd be going a lot further than competing to have the newest designer jeans, cars, and whatever else people hold in high value. We all want to have nice things, but at times the way we prioritize them can be a tad messed up. There's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, but we should always want our competition to be above par because that'll keep us ahead of the game. No? I'd rather be motivated by someone's success and accomplishments rather than envy them.
A male friend of mine told me the other day that I'm one of the few women that he hears constantly compliment other women. It made me even think about some of the women that I know. I've been out before with a group of girls. Obviously, we're all dressed to the nines 'cause we're out on the town. It's so second nature for me to let someone know that their attempt at fabness, was executed that I rarely pay attention to its reciprocation. Looking back, I don't think I've gotten nearly as many "You toos!". It could be that I just wasn't killin' 'em how I thought I was. Or maybe they just weren't used to another girl giving them an atta girl, so they weren't compelled to do the same.
Empowering and biggin' each other up should be something that women should want to do. If for nothing else, but relatability. Every woman knows what it's like to get up in the morning and fuss over what to wear. Do I wear the skinny jeans or the bootcuts? The thigh highs or the ankle boots? The Aviators or The Jackie O's? When we finally put together what we deem suitable to be representative of ourselves, consciously or subconsciously, we hope it will be well received. Male attention feels good most definitely, but since it's doled out so generously it often becomes hard to determine its sincerity. When a woman compliments another, she has nothing to gain, so the authenticity of it is highly likely. It takes a mere second to let a fellow sister know, she done good. We should all try it more often.
Do you compliment other women? Do you find that other women compliment you often?
Onedia White aka Miss White is a twenty-something writer from Brooklyn, NY. She is the founder of the blog, mynameismisswhite.blogspot.com, where she focuses on every day issues including love, friends, life's experiences in general, and the lessons to be learned from them. She aims to not only bring awareness, and a sense of inclusiveness to issues but also to uplift readers and assure them that they aren't the only ones weathering a particular storm.