The Recession Lesson Part II1/12/2012
It’s hard to believe that it has been seven months since I wrote the “Recession Lesson” (to see par...
It’s hard to believe that it has been seven months since I wrote the “Recession Lesson” (to see part I, click here). Since then, everything (and nothing) has changed. My life is still on a precarious slope threatening to plunge, but there have been many beacons of light along the way.
I’m officially a writer now. In July, I started my own blog, “The Musings of T.C. Galltin”, where I share my thoughts, my writing, my life. Of course every blogger wants to reach millions. I haven’t achieved that level of fame, but I’m satisfied with the supportive people who drop by to share a slice of my life with me.
In October, after months of patiently waiting, my novel Zaire's Place was finally published. As I fingered my author copy, I shed a tear. You cannot begin to imagine what it’s like to hold your dream in your hands. After years of hoping and praying that I would find a publisher, my dream came to fruition and I was able to see the fruit of a long struggle.
While one dream was coming to pass, my home life was falling apart. My mother was suffering from lung cancer. At first, she got better and the doctors told us the cancer was in remission. The whole family celebrated, laughed, and cried, all while thanking God that my mother was going to get a chance to see her grandchildren get older. Then, in September, she took a turn for the worse and had to go to a nursing home because my family couldn’t care for her.
Sometimes, I can be the master of denial. I went on with my life as I stayed under my mother’s roof…went on promoting my book, taking care of my daughter, etc. “Nothing’s going to happen to Mama,” I thought. “She beat the disease before; she’ll beat it again.”
While she was gone, the family continued to fall apart. My siblings and I engaged in wars under my mom’s roof. My brother vandalized my car. My sister and her daughter beat me up. The list goes on. There’s nothing worse than grown adults fist-fighting. Nothing. It’s the basest thing “adults” can do. And it’s the last thing I wanted to do, but I had to defend myself.
Anyway, I continued to be in denial about my mom until a phone call shattered my wall of self-denial. At the end of November, my sister called to tell me that our mom was dead. Nothing can ever prepare you for losing a parent. To realize that your beginning has ended…to realize that the person who created you is gone…has got to be the most painful thing a human being can ever experience. Of course, losing the person you gave birth to has to be right up there with losing a parent. Hopefully, I won’t ever have to experience that. I pray everyday that I’m around to see my daughter get older.
I have made a modicum of peace with my mother’s death (as much as you can in a month of grieving). I know that she is here with us. Death is never final. Every time a light flickers, I think she’s near, letting my baby girl and me know that she’s watching over us. Every time I hear her favorite song, I know she’s near protecting us. As they say, “she’s gone but not forgotten.”
Eventually, I did manage to get financial help from Social Services. We even found out key details about my daughter’s father and it won’t be long before we catch up to him. I can’t wait until the day when I face him in court for child support.
I have grown more in love with my daughter everyday. Since I’m not close to my family and lost my mother, my daughter is all I have. She’s my blessing. When God sent her to me, He knew what He was doing, because after all that I’ve been through, I don’t think I would have been able to keep going if she wasn’t here.
I’m still being schooled by the recession…a personal recession that I’m patiently waiting to see the end of. With the death of my mom, my housing situation is very much up in the air. I have lost so much, but I know that with every loss, something is gained. Bad times don’t last forever and “it’s always darkest before the dawn”. I will come out of this recession stronger than I ever thought I could be and you will, too. You’ll see.
T.C. Galltin is the mother of one, a blogger and the author of Zaire's Place , a novel that explores the lives of three very different women at a domestic violence shelter in Baltimore, MD. Zaire’s Place is available in paperback, Kindle and Nook formats from Amazon and Barnes & Noble. To find out more about T.C., visit her websites at www.tcgalltin.com and www.themusingsoftc.blogspot.com.