Let’s face it. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll go through the whole Thanksgiving season without at least one slice of sweet potato pie, or forego the greens and cornbread that make Christmas worth looking forward to. Since deprivation is the enemy to all successful diets, it’s important to know how to prepare the foods you love in a healthier way. Substituting a few ingredients in the dishes your family loves seeing at the table can help with weight control and cut down on sodium intake. Healthier food will also give you more energy to enjoy your family gathering, and to participate in the memories that make these times so worthwhile. After all, one of the purposes of a dinner filled with soul food is to bring loved ones together. Here are some ideas you can try tonight, or at your next celebration.

As a black person, if someone kills you, you better had been a perfect student, or been nice to all your co-workers, and been obedient in every way possible, you had better not fought for your life, or stolen anything, or had children out of wedlock, or been on welfare, or been a gang member, or drug dealer. You had better not been wearing a hoodie, or Nikes, or baggy pants. If you can, please put on a suit before you get killed. You had better not have braids, if you plan on getting killed. You had better not had gotten into a fight recently. Because having had done those things means that you were worth shit. That you deserved to die. Please try to keep that in mind.

I’ll tell you one thing straight. I’m a young black woman. And I got pregnant at 19. And at 17. And at 16. You think once would be enough to let a young chick like me know that protection is important and not something to play with. But the reason why I’m pregnant and so many other girls have fallen into my footsteps is because I had no real dreams for myself.

Black women have been taught to be selfless and strong since childhood. We are reared to love our mothers, obey our fathers, care for our siblings, and be subservient to our men. Whether we want to or not, we are instilled with all the traits of dedicated caretakers, making us, as Zora Neale Hurston once said, "the mules of the world." Such selflessness has taken a toll on black women, forcing us to compromise our sanity and overall wellness to appease others.

Research and numerous published reports and articles have proclaimed that African American women, on the whole, have higher self-esteem and healthy body images, when compared to their non-Black counterparts. However, African American women are also suffering from the highest rates of health disparities, particularly preventable chronic disorders; thus it is clear that the large degree of overconfidence has led to reduce health outcomes and premature deaths.

I don't know how many times I have tried to start this piece. Like everyone else, the murders of Trayvon Martin in Florida and Rekia Boyd in Chicago have left me feeling numb, helpless and frightened. I know that I am not yet ready to discuss the politics and insanity surrounding these two tragedies; and there is a part of me that feels as if I may never be able to do so. Instead, I want to focus on a certain sentiment and emotion that these killings have had many of us expressing -- the fear of bringing black babies into this world.

It was this time one year ago that Milca and myself were in the midst of planning for The Africana. Our original goal and purpose for this blog was on an entirely different path from where it is today. Both of us being avid blog followers, we wanted to create a place where we could make use of our photography, mainly, and create a space that helped shape the way we experience, feel and live as WOC. Although we’re still in the midst of defining the Africana and creating an idea of where we want it to go, I feel as if we’ve both mentally changed from the place we were one year ago.

Author Michele Grant began blogging to promote her published work, but now years later her popular blog Black 'n Bougie has taken on a life of its own. Michele's thriving blog community always dishes the real deal on love, relationships and family. She shares her blogging insights with us below:


Your blog, Black 'n Bougie, is such a fun, honest site. Why did you start it?

I started Black 'n Bougie in 2009 as a platform to showcase my writing. My first book, Heard it all Before was coming out the following winter. I hoped that if I wrote a blog and people liked my style of writing, that would translate into book sales. But then, as I began writing the blog - it became a platform, therapy, and a community.

Tami Winfrey Harris uses her blog, What Tami Said, as a vehicle to share her voice on a variety of topics. With her thoughtful, bold perspective, Tami provides a much needed corrective to dominant discourses about Women of Color.  We love her because meet ever holds back. With each post, she proves writing about your passion is the key to blogging success.


When did you start your blog, "What Tami Says," and what purpose did you hope it would serve on the internet? 

What Tami Said started as a way for me to flex my creative muscles, as well as tackle issues that are important to me. Writing has always been my passion and I have a journalism background. But a few years ago, I found that my daily life wasn't giving me the outlet for creativity that I needed. At the same time, it bothered me that voices like mine--voices of progressive black women--were essentially silenced in the media. Then I stumbled upon Gina McCauley's blog, What About Our Daughters, and I was fascinated by both her voice and activism. I was inspired to begin my own blog. At the time, I'm not sure I had any belief that What Tami Said would serve a purpose for anyone but myself. I never stop being surprised and gratified when I hear that my little corner of the web has had some impact on a reader.

A lot of blogs tend to shift in direction from their original style, yet yours has remained consistent. What do you attribute this consistency to? 

What Tami Said really reflects the things that interest me and that I care about. Race, gender, politics, pop culture, some books and music--those are simply my interests, and blogging has allowed me to deepen my understanding and knowledge in those areas, which I really appreciate.  I suppose my blog has remained consistent, because my interests have remained consistent.


What would you say is the biggest lesson you've learned about yourself, and black women from blogging? 

Black women are awesome. I always knew this, of course. But screw all those media messages. Really. Everyday, through my work on the web, I meet another sister doing something amazing. And not just black women. There are so many women doing great things that go unrecognized both offline, but online, too. For instance, the media isn't giving enough attention to sexist attacks on reproductive freedom in this country--attacks that will hurt marginalized women the most--but there are several women online who are just dogged about shedding light on what we have to lose. That's real work. That's real, important work. And it's being done, in most cases, by women who aren't making money for it. They're using their writing talent and online platforms to report, analyze, make a statement and move people. How can you not admire that? It blows me away.

The biggest benefit of my blogging has been developing friendships with some really smart and cool people--women and men.


Being a black woman who is outspoken on social, political, and economic issues definitely comes with a lot of critique and even attacks. How do you deal with this downside of blogging? 

*knocks wood* So far, I have been spared the attacks often faced by outspoken women, especially online. Not that my blog doesn't attract a troll or two, from time to time, but I think What Tami Said and the other spaces where I contribute tend to be populated by progressive-minded people. When I have written for outlets with readers not well versed in, say, anti-racism, it has been harder. You have to state your case and have confidence in your stance, but also know that some people can't be reached. Some people are resistant to acknowledging their own privilege. Others aren't ready. I'm always down for a PRODUCTIVE debate, but I won't allow myself or my readers to be abused, and I only have so much patience for folks who want to run up in a place just to play the derailing contrarian.


How do you think your blog has helped support the community of black women online? 

I try to be responsive to other bloggers, answering their requests and questions. I try to give a signal boost, through my blog, social media and word of mouth, to black women bloggers doing good work. And I also try to share connections and opportunities. I think that last bit is crucial. A lot of ink has been spilled over the fact that it is tougher for black bloggers to be noticed and tapped for mainstream opportunities. It's true. So, when I get a little shine, I try to throw a little someone else's way. When a cyber sister gets a book deal or an article published, I try to promote it.


How do you see your writing and blog evolving in the next 3-5 years? 

I've been lucky to be able to contribute to other spaces like Racialicious, the Guardian, Clutch magazine and Ms. magazine. Over the coming years, I hope to have more opportunities to write, beyond What Tami Said, on and offline. I am currently working on a book that I hope will be a corrective to the sexist and racist current conversation about black women and marriage. It will include first-person narratives from diverse women, including women who don't wish to marry, women in interracial relationships and queer women--all of whom are usually left out of the "black marriage crisis discussion." What Tami Said will continue to be the centerpiece of my work--the place where I get to be myself and let my metaphorical hair down.



What advice would you give to women who are new to blogging? 

Write about what moves you. It will bring more passion to your work. Readers will be more engaged if you are engaged. Also, be a part of the blogging community. Get to know other bloggers. Contribute to other spaces. Give back. It will be rewarding for your blog and also personally. Lastly, harness the power of social media.

About two weeks ago, I saw a tweet that said (and I'm paraphrasing here) -- A woman who wants to be considered a man's equal, shouldn't complain about not receiving chivalrous treatment. I think my brain went blank for a good minute trying to make sense of the seemingly simple statement. The tweet thrived on twitter as person after person not only retweeted it, but co-signed with the sentiments. And I am sad to say the majority who did so were women, specifically black women. 

As a television news producer, I write stories about murder and other crimes that are so heinous they make you recoil in horror. Sadly, you have to develop a thick skin in this business and not let it affect you to the point where you can't function. However, the death of 17 year old Trayvon Martin hurts me deeply. In case you haven't read about it, Martin was shot and killed on February 26th by a neighborhood watch captain in a gated community outside of Orlando, Florida.

At this point, the shooter, George Zimmerman, has not been arrested nor charged with anything. He claims he fired in self-defense. The recent release of the 911 calls in this case has brought about more questions in this case, particularly why Zimmerman, who was in his SUV, got out of it to approach Martin when the 911 dispatcher specifically told Zimmerman not to do so. Also, there are questions about the cries heard on one of the 911 calls. Zimmerman claims it was him - but was it Martin? As a family grieves the loss of a son, this case is a reminder of  the ongoing issue of race in America (let's be real - this is not a post-racial America).

Many black men are familiar with the phrase "driving while black." My younger brother knows it all too well. He told me how he was stopped for some unknown reason, forced to get out of his vehicle, then forced to watch as police rifled through his car. The officer even opened the bag containing a burger he had purchased and checked out the food. I was surprised that my brother wasn't reeling. Sadly, he felt that's how things worked for black men and that it would happen to him sooner or later. On the other hand, I had a former co-worker who was deeply traumatized by a police stop. He had a gun pointed at him and was physically searched because officers thought he fit the description of a suspect they were looking for at the time. I can't put into words the pain in his voice and the pained expression on his face as he recounted that fateful night. Then there's the story from a friend of mine who was stopped by police for no particular reason. He happened to be driving a nice Dodge Charger. I'll never forget the shock and pain in his voice as he described his experience. I felt so helpless when he was telling me the story. I was at a loss at what to do to try to ease his frustration, anger and sadness.

That brings me back to Trayvon Martin's case. What can we do to ease the sadness, shock, anger, frustration and other emotions being experienced by Martin's family? Yes, we can rally, raise our voices and push for a thorough investigation into this case. Sadly, will it be enough? We're aware of other cases that resulted in the deaths of innocent black men. We're aware that justice wasn't served in some of those cases. I'm sure there are many more cases that we haven't heard about because some people took the attitude of that's just how it is...and there's nothing to do about it. Will there come a time when I don't have to hear another brother or another male friend tell me about an unnecessary police stop? Will there come a time when I don't feel helpless because I know it will continue? My prayers go out to Martin's family and to all of the men who have dealt with this...but are fortunate enough to live to talk about it. Martin's case reminds me that this could have easily been a case where my brother, my friends...or someone you know could have been the victim. I'll continue to follow this case and pray that questions are answered and that justice is served.

Brenda Carden

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Seventeen, not even marked by a real mustache. If you look at the picture, he’s still slight. Maybe he was destined to grow tall with big bones, a man’s hearty flesh clinging to his frame, but in this picture he hasn’t gotten that far.

I remember a boy I once loved at that age. His kneecaps still knocked when he stood with his feet together.

He left his house in the middle of watching TV, walked around the corner to go buy himself some Skittles, and in between his leaving and returning, he was stopped by a grown man, someone who was bigger and older in years.  Something happened and the man shot him dead.

I am a lawyer. I am often asked why I decided to become a lawyer. Unfortunately, I can't point to any one thing that made me want to be a lawyer other than to say, it’s just what I always wanted to do. The focus of my practice is children's issues. I represent children who’re facing delinquency and who are products and/or victims of neglect. When prodded as to why I chose to practice juvenile law, my answer is simple: I want to work helping rehabilitate juveniles now so they won't need me later in life, when it might be too late for them.

Trayvon Martin was not a juvenile delinquent with any prior history of violence or behavioral issues however, so he would not have been a client of mine. Trayvon had a family that loved him, plans to attend college and a desire to be a responsible, productive member of society. Perhaps Trayvon’s only mistake the night he met his tragic fate, was thinking he was free to walk around the gated Florida community, where he was visiting his father that weekend, while being Black. The tragic and deliberate killing of this child amounts to nothing less than murder. The decision of the Sanford Police Department not to charge George Zimmerman, the White man responsible for his death-- (because he mistook Trayvon for one of those types, who “always gets away” from the scrutiny of racial profiling), is deplorable and serves as a reminder that while we have come far, we have not evolved far enough. Black-on-Black crime often falls by the wayside, and the perpetrators become statistics of the prison system; White-on-Black crime however, seem to carry a different weight and that burden is often times, not as heavy when a White perpetrator is the obvious instigator. No one looks for our missing children; our photos mostly appear on CNN when we are the aggressors, and crimes against Blacks in general, go uninvestigated or not investigated to their fullest capacity.

In Martin’s case, police didn't have much investigating to do. Trayvon’s killing was handed to them neatly wrapped and ready for presentation to the State Attorney’s office to prosecute, complete with witness accounts (that they reportedly refused to consider)…

George Zimmerman overzealously killed Trayvon Martin, and is a man who fancies himself as a vigilante with delusions of grandeur; otherwise he would’ve remained in his vehicle, as he was instructed to do by the police dispatcher he spoke with, as he stalked Trayvon Martin. Zimmerman outweighed Trayvon by about 100 pounds, in addition to a reported history of aggression and therefore a propensity for violence. While this information may not be allowed at trial, it is definitely a reason for the police to have made an arrest following Trayvon Martin’s senseless killing. The laws do not distinguish criminals by the amount of education one has or even their standing in the community. Many so called important persons have fallen from grace. But frankly George Zimmerman would have needed to climb upon a ladder to reach the level upon which Trayvon was operating. Yet this white man has not been arrested for snuffing out a life, taking a child from his parents and stealing his future.

In choosing not to arrest George Zimmerman, the police department is condoning his behavior, almost as if to say, “Thanks for doing us a favor.” Not only should George Zimmerman be charged with murder but the charges should be enhanced with the hate crimes statute. It is horrible that a situation such as this comes down to color but the bottom line is if Trayvon had been an unarmed White, All-American kid, there would be calls for George Zimmerman to be put to death.

If you're wondering how a lawyer could be so jaded, the answer is simply; I am as much not jaded, as I am a realist who sees and lives this reality every day. The definition of justice is: “the administration of law; especially the establishment or determination of rights according to the rules of law or equity; the quality of being just or impartial”. Thus far, there has been no justice for Trayvon or his family. The police have been everything but impartial. I call upon Florida's 18th District State's Attorney Norman Wolfinger to uphold his position, investigate this tragic murder and force his officers to do the work they have been trained to do. And I call upon Florida Attorney General, Pam Bondi, to investigate the inaction of the Sanford Police department; show us that our children matter.

I love black women, so I fight for us daily. Not long ago, I came to the realization that uplifting and undergirding the souls and spirits of sisters is my life's work. I do love black men too; however, I often find it difficult to fight for them.

I may be disenchanted, but never has it crossed my mind to disavow black men completely because they are ours. Our fathers, brothers, uncles and our sons. Not even white supremacist capitalist patriarchy could sever the eternal ties that bind men and women of the African Diaspora. That is why I felt it imperative to address the tragedy of Trayvon Martin. He is not a black woman but a black woman's child. And every time I see his face, I think of his mother's suffering. A 17 year-old's death has helped a militant black feminist like myself to understand the needlessness of finger-pointing in our communities. We need accountability not blame, for the latter only reaps bitterness.

A child is dead. His murderer is free. I want to scream; to cry; to rage; to avenge. I want to destroy. But what would that accomplish? Instead I'm opting for revolutionary love--a love that strengthens understanding and renews hope. Love builds. Let's build today.


Trayvon deserves justice.

- Kimberly Foster

Sign the petition at Change.org to prosecute the killer of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin

Contact Bill Lee, Chief of Police

Sanford Police Department
815 W. 13th Street
Sanford , Florida 32771
Phone: 407.688.5070
Fax: 407.688.5071
Dispatch: 407.688.5199


Contact Norman Wolfinger, Florida's 18th District State's Attorney

State Attorney's Office
Criminal Justice Center
101 Bush Boulevard
PO Box 8006
Sanford, Florida  32772-8006
(407) 665-6000

We at For Harriet are still saddened by news of teenager Trayvon Martin’s shooting by neighborhood watch captain, George Zimmerman and is seeking answers and justice, along with everyone else and is proposing a “Blog-in” this coming Friday.

The facts seem clear: Trayvon Martin, a 17-year-old Black boy, was shot and killed a little more than two weeks ago in his father’s gated community in Florida, by 28-year-old White neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman, as he returned home in the rain, cloaked in a hooded sweatshirt, from the store… an iced-tea and candy in-tow.

Zimmerman, who was armed and thought Martin looked “suspicious”, had been given explicit instructions by a police dispatcher, not to leave his vehicle and to wait for a police cruiser to arrive, after he placed a call to a non-emergency number. Zimmerman (also cloaked in a red hooded sweatshirt) opined; “these a**holes always get away”,  and decided to exit his vehicle and pursue Martin on foot between two rows of townhouses, 70 yards from where Trayvon had been staying with his father, that weekend.

Zimmerman (who outweighs Martin by about 100 pounds) engaged Martin in a fight, essentially shooting and killing the 17-year-old and claimed “self-defense.” George Zimmerman has a reported history of aggressive behavior, Trayvon Martin doesn’t.

George Zimmerman is still a free man and has yet to be offically charged with the killing… inciting people to ask, WHY?

Please join For Harriet for a “Blog-in” Friday, March 16 and express your thoughts about a seemingly senseless killing, and urge your readers to take action.

For more information, please contact:

Kimberly N. Foster, Kimberly@ForHarriet.com

Update 3/19: The blog-in continues. Please spread the word about Trayvon's killing via your blogs and social networks. Mainstream media continues to mismanage the story. It's up to us to tell the truth.

Sponsors: 
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With her new show, Dr. Melissa Harris-Perry brought black brilliance to broader audience. But those of us who have the pleasure of interacting similarly brilliant black women daily know Melissa is the rule not the exception.

It's an odd quiet. The life of a pre-divorcee, that is. From the strangled sobs bouncing off the bathroom tiles to the way A Love Supreme echoes against hardwood floors and lands on the softness of a slate blue sofa, the quietness isn't really quietness at all. It's the chaotic stillness of a woman who no longer knows what to do with her hands. What to do with love that withered like basil on a windowsill. It is the sizzle of polenta in a skillet after work on a Wednesday instead of the gurgle of a coffeemaker to keep a lover awake.

So, I know what you're thinking - These films were released ions ago, why is she writing about them? Everything that could be said about them probably has, and no one is really here for either of them anymore at this point. For a while now, I've been dissecting both films in my head; building and destroying mental compare and contrast charts. These thoughts have been centered primarily on how both have been received by Black Hollywood, and the messages such receptions send out about the views held in our community. 

No one told me.

Not my doctor.

Not my mother.

Not the other women at my church.

Not my friends.

Not any family members.

No one.

Not a single person told me about postpartum depression as I came to experience it. Sure, I received pamphlets from my OBGYN about it, but they only mentioned feeling sad, depressed, and having the “baby blues.”

They didn’t mention the uncontrollable rage that would explode in my chest when I least expected it.

The pamphlet said absolutely nothing about the sweat-inducing anxiety that made me jumpy and left me wanting to crawl out of my skin. I was unaware anxiety would hit me like a wrecking ball, immobilizing me.

Nothing about how the slightest noise, the tiniest cry from my infant son, would grate on my nerves and slice through my body like a machete.

Nothing told me I would spend hours on my bathroom floor, body heaving, tears pouring down my face as my mind and emotions were tossed to and fro in waves of guilt.

No one told me I would want to hurt myself … or my son. No one told me about the graphic images that would flash through my mind, about the desire to want to run away and never come back.

No one told me my moods would swing back and forth from one extreme to the other at a frantic and chaotic pace.

No one told me I would feel “crazy.”

No one said I would feel detached from my children.

No one told me I would want to die.

And I told no one I felt this way.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

I tried. I really did try. I attempted to reach out to family, friends, church members, my partner. But all I encountered was being misunderstood or not being taken seriously. I reached out to my doctor and was put on Zoloft, with him telling me, “this will go away in a few weeks.”

I saw a therapist paid for by my state insurance who told me that anyone in my position as a single, African-American mother, would feel the way I did.

I was told by people at church that my struggles with motherhood were either the result of my not having a family the “right” way, or just due to circumstances. “I don’t think you’re depressed. I think what you’re experiencing is normal considering your circumstances,” one of my pastors told me.

My mother told me to give it time. Told me I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and everything would be fine.

Ah. Bootstraps.

You see, in the African-American community, that’s what we do.

When we’re hit with pain, adversity, trauma, or some form of devastation, we throw on a giant pair of boots and pull ourselves up by them, one strap at a time.

The unwritten rule if you’re going through hell is to just deal with it. If you can deal with it with a minimal amount of complaining, that’s even better, more commendable.

We “don’t have time to be depressed.”

We are “too blessed to be stressed.”

We don’t talk about our problems, we just deal with them. Silently. To vocalize your inner pain, hurts, struggles, and imperfections is to be weak, to be seen as a complainer, a “drama queen.”

Continue reading

Excerpted with permission from Postpartum Progress

Don't believe the hype. Black women aren't tragically single. Many of us triumphantly partnered. Black Bridal Bliss celebrates the beauty of black love and marriage. The site's creator, Bridgette Bartlett, made it her mission to spread the joy of women descendant of the African Diaspora.

She shares her blogging success story with us.

I started blogging in 2007 as a creative release. The blog was called People.Places.Things and I posted on everything from fashion and travel to hip hop. Although it was strictly recreational. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was preparing me for BlackBridalBliss.com.
I was laid off from my position as Research Chief of Essence.com in November 2009. Although my title was research chief, I basically functioned as the lifestyle editor for the site. While there, I launched the widely popular Wedding Wednesday: Bridal Bliss feature. It was definitely one of the most rewarding parts of the gig. So when I received my pink slip I quickly began planning to launch my own Bridal Bliss site highlighting the nuptials of Black women and five months after leaving Essence.com, BlackBridalBliss.com was born. It sounds so cliche but getting laid off was a blessing in disguise.  


How important is good web design to a blog's success?

"Good" web design is pretty relative. I'm currently in the process of a redesign that will hopefully be complete by mid-May. The design and general aesthetics of BlackBridalBliss.com is extremely important to me because I am a visual person and most women planning their weddings are driven by images. However, I think the content of Triple B has proven to be more important to the success of the site than design. The bridal blog world is a huge one and many of my peers have sites with far more design bells and whistles than I do. However what is unique about Triple B is the connection and dedication to Black women.



Does "black love" exist? What makes it different?

Yes, Black love does exist but I think Indian, Italian, Japanese and Australian love exists, too. My decision to name the site Black Bridal Bliss has given and occasionally still causes some people to pause. The bottom line is this: My site caters to women preparing to get married who are a product of the African Diaspora. She can be American, Canadian (like my former Road to Mrs. blogger, Nadine Mauricette), Caribbean, British, etc. She might be marrying a Black man, a Chinese man or a Swedish woman. My goal is to assist (planning a wedding is a lot of work!) and celebrate Black women who are getting married. When people aren't viewed as human beings, it is challenging -- to say the least -- to view their love as real and true. Black men and women historically have had their love dismissed and discouraged. Just within the last year, the otherwise esteemed publication Psychology Today printed an absurd article about Black women being less attractive than their peers, a Dutch magazine referred to global pop star Rihanna as a niggerb?tch and senator Jim Sensenbrenner made crude comments about the size of U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama’s tush without consequence. And then there are the countless messages in media about Black women, especially professional Black women, being lonely, bitter and angry. All of these factors make Black love different and if nothing else resilient.


How do you find time to blog?

I struggle with this constantly. In addition to maintaining BlackBridalBliss.com, I am a regular freelancer for other publications such as Heart & Soul, PEOPLE and JUICY. I also attempt to have some semblance of a personal life and the latter is increasingly more important to me. At times I succeed at balancing it all and other times I fail. My time management is truly a work in progress. I recently starting working with an intern to assist with some of the administrative Triple B tasks which frees up my time to actually "blog". In addition, I constantly jot down post ideas in my notebook or phone because my ideas are fleeting. I'm also accepting that every blog post doesn't have to be 500 words long -- this is a hard practice to break coming from a print background.


What's the best thing your blog has given you?

Oh wow, I don't think I can narrow it down to one! The top three would be as follows: 1) Women and even men of various ages and economic backgrounds have informed me that Triple B gives them hope in love again because they can actually see themselves in the stories and pictures featured on the site. 2) I've in turn met so many talented people who inspire me! Just this past weekend I attended the shoe launch of a young Black woman in Baltimore who I plan to feature on Triple B; there is a bridal collection in her line. She's also working on her PhD. Tomorrow I'm speaking with a Princeton University student at her request for her senior thesis about African-American brides. Triple B attracts some amazing folks. 3) I get the opportunity to show nearlyweds that having your dream wedding does not have to send you to the poorhouse. There is a misconception that weddings are always debt-inducing (and yes they can be) but they certainly don't have to put couples in the red yet they can still be stylish and memorable.


What advice would you give to new bloggers?

Blog about something that you're truly passionate about; not just topics that you think will give you access to celebrities, events, freebies, etc. When you follow your bliss (no pun intended) the perks will eventually come -- perks you probably weren't even expecting. Do take the time to read blogs of those that have similar content to you but don't let what they do (or don't do) consume you. That is a dangerous road to be on in blogging and in life. You should only compete with yourself.

Visit BlackBridalBliss.com and join the Black Girls Blogging community to connect with other Black women bloggers!

When a Black woman loses her cool temporarily and isn’t able to take care of her children with a smile, work a full-time job without appearing fatigued, tend to her significant other’s needs with pleasant intensity, and lend a gentle and listening ear to her girlfriends, she is often viewed as lazy or uncommitted to life’s obligations. And because of this unwanted labeling, many Black women suffer from depression in silence.

Depression in the Black community, especially among women of color, is a very real problem.  The failure to effectively treat depression also comes from the traditional African-American and Caribbean family structure. Most of us have heard phrases like: “What happens in our family isn’t anyone else’s business,” “Don’t embarrass/disrespect our family by sharing personal details,” or “We don’t believe in counseling. We’re not going to pay someone to tell us that we have problems. That’s what prayer is for.” This makes for countless women who are expected to hold their feelings of abandonment, confusion, betrayal and inadequacy inside to prevent hurting other members of the family. Generations of Black families can, unfortunately, relate to this phenomenon, which means that depressive behavior becomes learned.

Black women are also taught not to complain about their full schedules and expectations to hold a family together. These expectations are partly the result of slavery, when women were forced to be the heads of the household as their men were sold to plantations all across the U.S., Latin America and the Caribbean. Any time a woman of color says anything like “I need a break” or “I need to take some time for myself,” her children and husband may with resentment because these notions are not generally culturally acceptable. This too can lead to extreme stress and depression.

Many women of color are not able to share feelings of being overwhelmed or overworked with their spouses, bosses or friends which can also lead to health problems. Additionally, eating to establish a sense of comfort can lead to weight gain and can increase the chances of depression. Think about most of the foods that fill the dinner table at family gatherings. Many of them are filled with sugar and simple carbohydrates. These foods will provide a euphoric feeling that can make people temporarily forget their problems.

Other symptoms that could indicate depression in Black women include:

• Inability to concentrate at work or during important conversations
• Suicidal thoughts
•  Loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable
• Overall fatigue and lack of energy, even after getting adequate sleep
• Extreme changes in sleep patterns
• Poor memory

This story originally appeared in Dominion of New York

I graduated a semester early from Fordham University in December 2010. Contrary to popular belief, I left school early because I craved real world experiences -- not because I disliked college life, and Fordham in particular. I have never once regretted my choice to attend the "Catholic Ivy League".  My three and a half years of undergrad there were some of the happiest and most important years of my life thus far. Fordham is where I decided what my path in life would be, where I had my notions challenged and altered, and where I was introduced to some of my mentors and closest friends.

I never thought that my views on the University would change (besides those regarding mounting tuition prices) drastically until a very disturbing story broke last month. In February, a black Fordham senior, Melissa Wright retired to her dorm only to find the word "nigger" sprawled across her door in black marker. Sometime later, the word appeared once again in the wall of a men's bathroom. As of the present, University officials have not taken major steps in response to these occurrences besides sending out a mass email highlighting the school's "zero tolerance" policy for bias, claiming to have an investigation conducted by campus police, and having a scheduled meeting with the University president and student groups.

To say that I am angry and hurt at the reaction, or lack thereof, of Fordham's officials would be a major understatement. I am appalled that the very place that is supposed to foster and mentor the leaders of tomorrow is allowing such acts of hate and prejudice to breed and grow. I say "allow" because until major action is taken (i.e. full investigations with the NYPD to find who the culprit(s) is/are; having a town hall to address how to prevent and punish such acts in the future; and creating stricter University policies for all hate crimes), Fordham is just as guilty as the coward(s) who scribbled the epithet on campus. 

I once heard someone say that it is not a matter of if a racist incident takes place on a college campus, it is simply a matter of when it happens. We cannot act naive or oblivious to the fact that these acts of prejudice are occurring continually on campuses all across the United States. Colleges and Universities need to do a better job of creating a safe and comfortable environment for all their students -- not just the white ones.

Current and former students and staff of Fordham University are showing solidarity in combating racism on campus by sending around an online petition denouncing the hateful acts. I ask that all who read this post aid us in this fight, by signing the petition here. It is my hope that with a strong and unified front we can send a message that institutions of higher learning will not serve as hotbeds for acts of discrimination.


Valerie Jean-Charles is a 23 year old community servant and writer in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a BA in Political Science from Fordham University. Follow at @Empressval to join her never-ending conversations about everything and then some.

There are few things in this life that I support more than gaining an education. Having been raised in a home where books rivaled my collection of dolls and teddy bears (trust me, I had quite the collection), I am a passionate supporter of school and learning. Recently, two news stories regarding black women and education made their way onto the national stage. In Connecticut, Tanya McDowell was sentenced to twelve years in prison for "stealing" her son's education. McDowell, who was homeless at the time, used an address different from that of her last residence to have her son attend a good school. Not too far away in Rochester, New York, 13 year-old Jada Williams was reportedly harassed out of school by teachers and administrators alike, for likening the educational system to a form of modern-day slavery.

After my anger and disgust at these stories subsided, I was able to sit back and currently reflect on what such occurrences are telling us about the current time we live in, in regards to education. The three observations that I have taken from there are:

1. According to the system at hand, we -- being people of color, particularly black people, are not supposed to have access to an education of substance,

2. We are not allowed to complain or publicly take note of it, like Jada Williams. Nor are we to do something about the barely acceptable education most of our children are receiving à la Tanya McDowell.

3. If we are to do anything mentioned in point 2, there will be consequences to pay (i.e. doing time in prison, or getting kicked out of school).

If there was ever a ripe time for communities to come together to plan a massive school reformation movement, the time is most certainly now. Our children are being marginalized and stifled in the very hands that we are entrusting with their growth and development. In a June 13, 2011 U.S. News report, it was written that national high school graduation rates for Blacks and Latinos stand at about 57%, in comparison to 78% for whites, and 80% for Asians.   And of course, most of us know of the schools-to-prison pipeline that has claimed so many of our Black boys and men, and now our girls and women (Black women are the fastest growing prison population).

The only way we can remedy this malady of society is through community efforts. We cannot simply say things like, "More Black parents need to attend Parent/Teacher meetings" or "Kids today don't want to learn." Such statements do more harm than good. Those of us who do not have children are still responsible in making sure that each child receives a great education. We all must stay involved. A community effort can be in the form of being a reading volunteer. So many of our children are not reading at their grade level; taking a weekend to read to elementary children or helping high school students with their college essays can do a world of good. We must also stay afloat of the education legislation that is being passed in our cities and states. We have to make sure our teachers and educators are being well taken care of, that there are more than enough books in classes and that students are receiving fresh, nutritious food in their cafeterias.

Our children become the testimonies we leave to the future. If these testimonies are to continue to reflect the sentiments of Jada Williams in her essay, than we as a group and society have failed miserably. Our children are our most valuable assets, and it is truly up to us to protect them and make sure that they receive the best educational care possible.


Valerie Jean-Charles is a 23 year old community servant and writer in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a BA in Political Science from Fordham University. Follow at @Empressval to join her never-ending conversations about everything and then some.

When Wendy Williams made a comment about Viola Davis' natural hair not being "glamorous" or "formal" enough for the Academy Awards on her daytime talk show, I was horrified but not surprised. You'd hear countless Black women echo the same sentiments just about anywhere you go. These women are generally projecting the hurt they've internalized since childhood.

I hear those self-loathing words, and my initial instinct is not to attack. First, I simply want to ask, "Who taught you to hate yourself?" But, of course, I already know the answer.

There exist no completely safe spaces for Women of Color to escape the utter oppressiveness of patriarchy and white supremacy. Because we each carry it around with us every second of every day, the indoctrination seeps out of our consciousness unwittingly.

The education of men and non Women of Color about the difficulties of Black womanhood is not my responsibility, but for black women who get it utterly wrong, I have nearly interminable patience. Sisters need hugs and information, not verbal beatdowns and "draggings."

Wendy's words are problematic; however, I'm becoming more concerned by the attacks she's received. It seems smart, thoughtful women are reveling in the low blows. Particularly sickening are the endless riffs on Williams' hair, face and figure.

Related: Black Women Should Come Out of Hiding In Honor of Viola Davis

If I'm understanding this correctly. We are fighting the degradation and humiliation of a Black woman by degrading and attempting to humiliate another Black woman. It doesn't add up.

A few months back, I tweeted that I would no longer comment on the physical appearances of women. With few exceptions, I've stayed true to that promise. I made the decision upon reflection on the ways I've internalized gauging a woman's worth by her physical appearance, and because  I wish for a world where "beautiful" is not the highest compliment a woman can be paid.

I take fictive kinship to the limits. I feel connected to most black women in all our contradictions and ignorance. Viola is my sister, but so is Wendy. You can look at Wendy's self presentation and pathologize her, or you can see a woman dealing with familiar issues operating within the same sexist, white supremacist world we all live in.

If you managed to escape the matrix with your self-concept and esteem in tact, I applaud you. You're doing a lot better than the rest of us. But heightened awareness gives no woman the right to shame another.

Many of us are still nursing open wounds. Have a little compassion for your sister.

Kimberly Foster is the Editor and Publisher of For Harriet. Email her at Kimberly@ForHarriet.com with comments or find her on Twitter.

Walk. Run. Lift. Repeat. If this sounds familiar (and boring!), then it may be time to add some fun and sexy new moves to your fitness routine. In addition to toning and strengthening your body, exotic dance classes can improve your stamina, flexibility and give you a boost of confidence as well.

Dear Triumphant Scientifically Attractive Marriageable Single Black Woman,

Sweet kisses? Tender caresses? Inspiring words? Early morning love-making sessions with the person who has promised to love and support you through poverty and wealth, sickness and health as long as you both shall live?

Yes, yes, and more yes. That is exactly what you deserve if your heart so desires.

At some point, we all need a little pick me up. Each of these quotes by notable Black women will provide you with inspiration and help you seize the day.

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. -Harriet Tubman Tweet This

What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine. -Oprah Winfrey

I did what my conscience told me to do, and you can't fail if you do that. -Anita Hill

Life is very short and what we have to do must be done in the now. -Audre Lorde

It’s not about supplication, it’s about power. It’s not about asking, it’s about demanding. It’s not about convincing those who are currently in power, it’s about changing the very face of power itself. - Kimberle Williams Crenshaw

Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts. -Nikki Giovanni

Don't feel entitled to anything you didn't sweat and struggle for. -Marian Wright Edelman

No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you. -Althea Gibson

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around. -Oprah Winfrey

We can say "Peace on Earth." We can sing about it, preach about it or pray about it, but if we have not internalized the mythology to make it happen inside us, then it will not be. -Betty Shabazz

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. -Lena Horne

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences. -Audre Lorde

There's always something to suggest that you'll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving. -Phylicia Rashad

Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself. -Alice Walker

Give light and people will find the way. -Ella Baker

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.  -Oprah Winfrey

All great achievements require time. -Maya Angelou

The kind of beauty I want most is the hard-to-get kind that comes from within - strength, courage, dignity. -Ruby Dee

Service is the rent that you pay for room on this earth. -Shirley Chisholm

Related: How to Trust Your Vision, Even When Others Don't

The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely. -Lorraine Hansberry

I get angry about things, then go on and work. -Toni Morrison

Just remember the world is not a playground but a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday but an education. One eternal lesson for us all: to teach us how better we should love. -Barbara Jordan

Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose. -Billie Holiday

Greatness is not measured by what a man or woman accomplishes, but by the opposition he or she has overcome to reach his goals. -Dorothy Height

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. -Audre Lorde

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. - Marian Wright Edelman

You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas. - Shirley Chisholm

Grab the broom of anger and drive off the beast of fear. -Zora Neale Hurston

How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers names. -Alice Walker

Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others. - Marian Wright Edelman

I am deliberate and afraid of nothing. -Audre Lorde

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver. -Maya Angelou

If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, you must be the one to write it. - Toni Morrison

Just because I have my standards they think I'm a bitch. -Diana Ross

Your silence will not protect you. -Audre Lorde

There are still many causes worth sacrificing for, so much history yet to be made. -Michelle Obama

Cease to be a drudge, seek to be an artist. -Mary McLeod Bethune

I freed a thousand slaves I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves. -Harriet Tubman

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place. -Zora Neale Hurston

Don't be afraid to feel as angry or as loving as you can, because when you feel nothing, it's just death. -Lena Horne

Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister. -Alice Walker

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou

Don't agonize, organize. -Florynce Kennedy

Everything will change. The only question is growing up or decaying. -Nikki Giovanni

I did my best, and God did the rest. -Hattie McDaniel

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. -Oprah Winfrey

You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. -Marian Wright Edelman

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. -Lorraine Hansberry

Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change -Iyanla Vanzant

Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation. -Coretta Scott King

If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive. -Audre Lorde

I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance. -bell hooks

If you don't understand yourself you don't understand anybody else. -Nikki Giovanni

Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live. -Mae Jemison

You never find yourself until you face the truth. -Pearl Bailey

Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. -Toni Morrison

The greatest gift is not being afraid to question. -Ruby Dee

Related: The Recession Lesson

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. -Oprah Winfrey

You know, you do need mentors, but in the end, you really just need to believe in yourself. -Diana Ross

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. -Alice Walker

It's in the act of having to do things that you don't want to that you learn something about moving past the self. Past the ego. -bell hooks

Each person must live their life as a model for others. -Rosa Parks

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. -Maya Angelou

I don't believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process. -Oprah Winfrey

Nobody's free until everybody's free. -Fannie Lou Hamer

A lot of people refuse to do things because they don't want to go naked, don't want to go without guarantee. But that's what's got to happen. You go naked until you die. -Nikki Giovanni

The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class-it is the cause of human kind, the very birthright of humanity. -Anna Julia Cooper

Nobody is as powerful as we make them out to be. -Alice Walker

Always be smarter than the people who hire you. -Lena Horne

No person has the right to rain on your dreams. -Marian Wright Edelman

Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment. -Oprah Winfrey

Only by learning to live in harmony with your contradictions can you keep it all afloat. -Audre Lorde

You have a right to your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings are always valid. -Iyanla Vanzant

Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night. -Marian Wright Edelman

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. -Coretta Scott King

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated. -Maya Angelou

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. -Rosa Parks

Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever. - Audre Lorde

A woman's gifts will make room for her. -Hattie McDaniel

I really don't think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don't mind the failure but I can't imagine that I'd forgive myself if I didn't try. -Nikki Giovanni

Prayer begins where human capacity ends. -Marian Anderson

I am not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star. -Sojourner Truth

We have to talk about liberating minds as well as liberating society. -Angela Davis

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. -Alice Walker

I have a lot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly. -Oprah Winfrey


Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night. -Marian Wright Edelman

Now that March has begun, it's time to take a moment and look back on some of the most viewed posts here at ForHarriet.com.

We have compiled a list of what seems to be favorites of our readers. Take a look, and see if some of yours made the list.

1. Updated: Demand XXL's Editor Answer for Promoting Sexual Assault

"The question is not why the man would say such horrific things.
(Vile people regularly say and do vile things.), but why did the magazine
provide him a platform? The minds and bodies of black girls are continually
under attack."

2.Dear Viola: We Don't Hate The Player, We Just Despise The Game

"For her merits, [Viola] Davis deserves to be named alongside screen legends like
Meryl Streep and Robert DeNiro. But alas the black, female body she inhabits
prevents her from reaching the professional heights she so deserves.

3.I Wish I Could Be So Naive: A Response to @Daisy of @XOJanedotcom

"The choice to live in affluent, predominately white communities was mom's attempt to help my sister and I overcome the trappings of life in black, female bodies. But of course she couldn't shield us completely. We never feared for our safety, and we always attended great schools. But being one of only a handful of African American kids submersed in a sea of whiteness had its own pitfalls. The often overt bigotry I endured left a stain of insecurity and self doubt on my nascent consciousness. That is the reality of my early existence."

4.A State of Emergency for Black Girls

"How I wanted someone, anyone, to just notice me. That attention, if and when it came, was unwanted because it was from grown ass men who should have known better than to stare at my budding breasts."

5. Does BET's 'The Game' Hate Black Women?

"The women on the show are now merely plot devices. None of the characters are fully developed but the definition of the female characters seems malicious. Melanie's bizarre transformation this season provides a prime example."

6. Black Feminist Contradictions: We All Got 'Em

"A feminist life is supposed to be a liberated one. A transcendent existence free of
the constraints foisted upon us but a society that cares not for our best interest.
Yet sometimes I feel constricted in trying to live up to the expectations I set for
"good feminists."

7. Join our book club! Introducing #BlackGirlsLoveBooks

"For Harriet's official book club, Black Girls Love Books, will kick off next month!
Each month we'll pick one non-fiction and one fiction book to read and discuss on
Twitter and Facebook."

8. Invisible Chains: Unlearning My Mother's Wisdom

"While we celebrate the trailblazers, the holiday exposes one of the most maddening contradictions of the Black female experience: African American women derive strength and pride from the fearlessness of our foremothers, but our own
mothers and surrogates direct us to lead our lives with a spirit of caution."

9. Black Women Should Come Out of Hiding In Honor of Viola Davis

"Viola's appearance was an important moment for us. I missed the red carpet
live, but I've taken several moments since Sunday to soak in the gorgeousness
of it all: her chocolate brown afro, luminescent complexion and remarkable
stature. I see myself in her, and I feel powerful."

10.It Was All A Dream: Coming to Terms With Relationship Realities

"Lately, I’ve had several conversations with colleagues who’ve found
themselves experiencing similar situations. They’ve become involved,
emotionally and physically, with men who don’t have the same views
on relationships as they do."

What are some of your favorite February posts, and why? We'd love to hear from you!

Matthew 7:12 “Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.” (The Message)

Khristi L. Adams is the Associate Campus Pastor for Preaching & Spiritual Programming at Azusa Pacific University in Azusa, CA. She is a graduate of Temple University with a degree in Advertising and a graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary where she obtained a Master’s of Divinity degree. Khristi’s passions include urban youth studies, ethics and social justice.