Men Do It, Women Do It...Whatever "It" Is

Black Men and Women
“Men do it. Women do it: Whatever It is”, and that is essentially why the battle of the sexes will continue to rage for centuries, unless grown men and women could agree that certain actions, whether infidelity, lying, nagging, stalking, and even domestic abuse are not gender-specific. Adults need to eventually start looking at people as individuals, and judging these types of incidents as the actions of a particular individual; before they start joining in on the chorus of “All men are dogs” or something comparable for women.

Currently this battle of the sexes has moved beyond water-coolers, barber shops, beauty salon gossip, and personal phone conversations into cyberspace where many feel the need to appoint themselves as experts on the opposite sex or human nature for that matter. The problem is that their expert opinions are steeped in stereotypes, assumptions, childishness, and an inability to realize that behavior is not gender-specific. Even more shameful, is that these internet trolls seem to constantly be looking for an opportunity to post their opinions or a ridiculous meme in an attempt to bait members of the opposite sex to join them in the ever-raging war, or they will locate a discussion post, and find some way to interject a negative blanket statement about the opposite sex; even when the statement is irrelevant to the topic at hand.

Furthermore, there is no community where this war and its many battles are waged more greatly than amongst African Americans . Perhaps, it is the remnants of African tribalism and a system of slavery that included great divisions along gender lines that has left African Americans with the penchant to be constantly and predictably divisive. Even when it comes to interracial dating African Americans seem to be the only group that need to bash and discredit members of the opposite sex within their racial/ethnic group in order to justify or explain their decision to exclusively date interracially. This is the greatest extension of the battle of the sexes.

Next, there is something even more upsetting at play. Those who fully engage in this war may be raising children of the opposite sex, will be doing so in the future, or have sadly abandoned their responsibilities to their child(ren). So one can’t complain about all women being angry or insecure if you have a daughter whom you have abandoned and left without the feeling of security that only a father can provide. And, one can’t complain about “weak ass” or lazy men, if they are cuddling and dismissing certain behaviors exhibited by their own male children.

In short, accountability is the key, and it is done by being accountable for our own actions, for the men and women that we choose to allow into our lives and to the next generation of men and women that we are currently raising.

Overall just rely on simple logic, men lie, women lie, men cheat, and women cheat, and they are not committing any of these acts alone.


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Cherise Charleswell is an accomplished poet, writer, and the author of Real Talk TIPS: Laugh-Out-Loud Pointers For The Morally Challenged, Socially Inept, & The People Who Love Them ( . She is currently working on the anthology Walking In The Feminine: A Stepping Into Our Shoes Anthology ( and the book The Link Between Food, Culture, & Health Inequities In The African Diaspora.

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