The Real Reason We Flip Out

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We're good womyn. We are phenomenal womyn. We do a lot, and we're always on time for our loved ones,

We give without thinking twice, look beyond what's in front of us to see the bigger picture, we cheer lead, we hold hands during hard times and even when we are sludging through the really rough stuff we do it with a smile.

What a testimony to our faith in living the good life.

Behind every one of our smiles is a story that would catapult the world to their knees praising our strength. And when the curtains go down and there's no one there to continue praising us the brokeness emerges. We pull ourselves together as best we can so we can face one more day when the sun rises. Gracefully easing out of our disheveled sanctuaries we step into the world wearing the most elaborate masks.'s that one day, at the right time, the brokenness has somehow found it's way into the daylight, someone says the wrong thing, a phone call goes unreturned, we don't hear that 'thank you', we get rubbed the wrong way, someone cuts us off, the bill collector is calling at 7 am, we didn't get good sleep, we hear a "no" where we really hungered for a "yes" and we flip out.

To Flip Out:

The act of temporarily disconnecting from sanity. Causing extreme guilt, sadness, overeating, depression, sleepless nights, binge drinking, overspending, overwhelming self-doubt, and an endless amount of wreckless behavior that destroys our esteem,confidence, trust in ourselves and in our relationships with others.

After the Flip Out we feel partially justified and partially embarrassed. Wrecked with guilt we jump into fixer-upper mode trying to make mends where we can and immediately get back to our smiling,cheer leading, playful, joyful selves. We put on the mask once again and life goes back to some sense of normal.

We've put the mask on for so long that the happiness feels genuine but intuitively we know it isn't sustainable. The idea of unmasking ourselves is so unbearable we just push through praying that the next time we can handle it better.


The vicious cycle of doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results.

The next time comes and it's worse. We feel worse, we are even more tired, our mask is tattered and stained with mascara, we want change but we have not the slightest idea where to start.


A genuine connection to the Divine mind that constantly resurges us with peace, passion,purpose and praise for life. This connection is developed through a commitment to breaking old patterns and consistently making time to build new structures in our lives that cultivate a visceral embodiment of joy.

A Course In Miracles teaches us that to give is to receive.

First, we must fully receive, fully know at our core that we are full  and have more than enough before we can truly give to anyone without feeling like we never get anything in return for the amount of time and energy we give away so freely.

Knowing that you are full takes a willingness to be refilled, to be replenished and spiritually fed. Making excuses about why you can't take time to dedicate to your spiritual practice consistently- on a daily basis will only lead you further into feeling without or unfulfilled.

We can experience the joy of giving freely when we know that we are giving from a place of ample supply versus a place wilting from lack of substance and malnutririon.

Losing sight of our heart's deepest desire we feel drained of our energy for life. Everything that we come in contact with seems to be lacking luster. Even once we've gotten back in touch with connection to the Divine Mind and our spiritual self-care practice is in place something still feels off.

What leads us back into this cycle of insanity is the lack of clarity about what we want. If you're uncertain about what you deeply craving and nothing in your life is satisfying that hunger chances are you are unclear about your desire and out of alignment with manifesting (ritualizing) it into fruition.

I have said before that I believe that our heart's deepest desires are navigation tools for our soul's most fulfilling evolution. When we are out of alignment with that desire all hell breaks loose in our lives until we start feeding this hunger. The moment that we have identified what it is that we want a sense of peace takes over, the veil of darkness is lifted and we start the journey towards nourishing ourselves.

Hell for many of us doesn't always look or feel so horrible. We've got everything in neat piles, tea boiling, flowers delivered and dinner on the stove. Yet when we go to sleep at night that deep sense of urgency rises up trying to make plans that always seem to fall through when day breaks. Hell has become so comfortable for many of us that we wouldn't even dare think of disturbing the "peace". The saying goes: If It ain't broke don't fix it. For us Hell doesn't look so broken so why fix it. Our bills are paid, the lover(s) are there, the job is in place, we have friends and maybe a few future plans that kinda look promising. So we go day in and day out living in the center of our comfort zone ignoring the yearning for different. The Flip out happens and when we come back to we rationalize that we were just over-emotional, made a mistake, just tired, that time of the month, stressed or any other excuse that feels safer than truth.

"Life is more than hurt." Life is more than big irrational painful hurts. Life is more than silent hurt. Life is more than stifling hurt one minute and blow up hurt the next. Life is more than we are allowing it to be. Stepping outside of the comfort zone can be nerve wrecking, life might just turn upside down or routines may change but at the end of the night the hunger, that desire is being satisfied and penetrated with a life changing power. Life is everlasting-visceral-ecstatic Joy but it takes our willingness to recognize and accept that this is our birthright in order for us to break the cycles that continue to deter us from living the life that we dream.

Our desires connect us back to our birthright of Joy. Desires help us to curate life into an experience where we can grow beyond our previous limitations. Curating and growing takes work and for most of us the fear of doing this work keeps us from ever making the change.

The fear of birthing a new self sounds pointless especially when we match it up against all of the stress that might be overwhelming our lives at this point. We see the larger picture: having the dream job, the dream house, the fulfilling romantic relationship, the financial resources, the connections, the business etc but the reward of having the "thing" seems so far off in the distance we get tired before we ever start the race.

My coach says it's never the "thing" that we truly want it's the feeling that we want from the "thing" that we are truly desiring. So, if we take our attention or focus off the outcome or the "thing" and focus on the feeling and how we can create that in our lives right now we build up our muscle for making the larger changes that will move us even closer to the desire being manifested.

Small steps. Take some time to answer these questions today.

Remember to be as specific and honest:

What are you hungry for? What are salivating after in this life?

Why do you want that thing? What experience do you believe it will give you?

When we remember and reconnect to the things that we want the most in this life we get fueled up with the passion to live life fully. Don't let the challenges of the doing the work make you back step into old patterns of accepting less than what you want or settling for mediocre when you want outrageously phenomenal. You deserve your desires simply because you want them. Take survey of what you want, get specific and then get even clearer about the resistance or road blocks that you have in your life now that are preventing you from your destiny being fulfilled.


Motivational Speaker and Writer Rashida KhanBey (Rashi) helps women awaken a spirit of audacity in themselves so we can experience long lasting passion in our romantic relationship(s) and life!  Twitter @womanuntamed Instragram @ WomanUntamed

Join Rashida  January 20th for my first ever New Year New You lecture: Stop Giving Away Your Power! . In this lecture we will be discussing our vision for this year, how to break that down into manageable action steps, the ways we gave away our greatest strength in 2013 and how we can reclaim that strength in order to reach new heights in any area of our lives in this new year.
This is an online workshop + streaming live via video conference. Don't worry if you can't make it live a recording will be sent to all registered attendees.

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