Why I'm Not Interested in Marriage

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by LaChelle Watson

When a woman expresses disinterest in marriage there are a lot of things that people tend to assume about her. Is she a woman scorned who has given up on love? A feminist man-hater? Some strange individualist with estoteric views? Seldom are these assumptions applied to men who are disinterested in marriage. In fact, it is arguably more socially acceptable for a man to not want marriage. For the most part, I try not to care what other people think but this is one area where my being misunderstood is somewhat troubling.

I happen to be one of what seems to be the minority of women who does not have marriage on my bucket list. Among the many assumptions for the reasoning behind my stance towards marriage is that I must not value it, which could not be further from the truth.

In my eyes, marriage is the highest level of commitment between lovers. It’s not something you do just because you want a family or a step you take just because your relationship has elapsed a socially acceptable amount of years for a non-married couple. It is promising and committing to giving unconditional love for better or worse which frankly is not something I could honestly say I have the capacity for at this moment.

To say I’m indifferent towards being married is to recognize I have not reached a place where I could consciously love enough to give that kind of commitment. How could I ever say something was for me when I know that I do not possess the tools to execute it? Why should my desire for marriage be stronger than my immediate desire to first learn how to love?

There are no romantic comedies detailing a woman in pursuit of learning how to love—she is always looking for it in someone else. There are no greeting cards congratulating emotional growth and no holidays celebrating love as an action but rather we celebrate it as an idea or thing. Our culture is obsessed with “love” but often it feels like the obsession is rooted in what we think love is or represents and never about what it actually is.

For some it is a business arrangement, a power move, a validation for a commitment between two people but to me, marriage is so much more. It is a divine spiritual union between two souls in which both must love consciously and be mindful of the magnitude of their commitment. I cannot say I will ever get to that place but I am committed to learning how to love in all dimensions of my life—that is the only commitment I know for sure I could make a lifetime out of.

LaChelle is a Chicago based musician and writer. Follow her on twitter at @_theelle_

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