Finding the Good in Goodbye: Why I Finally Let Go of My Ex

by Doris Agwu

“You need to let him go.” I’ve heard this statement so many times that it’s become quite predictable. Most family members and friends jump to it whenever I mention a particular man I dated once upon a time. No one could understand that two people who were once in a relationship could survive such turmoil yet still remain friends, best friends.

From the outside looking in, one would infer that I was a love sick puppy holding on to the memories of our love. Seldom do I even bother to correct people because the truth doesn’t seem that much less pathetic. When I met this man, I was taken away by his mind. I considered him to be incredibly wise and brilliant; I was so unbelievably attracted to the way his brain worked that it took me a few weeks to even realize that he was an extremely handsome man. Therefore he played a multifaceted role in my life. I loved him with everything I had. But sadly love wasn’t enough to make a relationship work.

As time went on, we decided to part ways. We originally did not end on a positive note; however, a part of me still wanted him in my life. Because at this point, not only had I lost a partner, a lover, and a friend, I was losing my teacher and my advisor. I believe that was the hardest part for me. He was easily one of the smartest people I had ever met, and I still valued his input on my career and educational goals. So I found myself reconnecting with him just so I could have access to all of that insight. I found myself rationalizing certain behaviors because I knew, ultimately, I wanted him in my life.

I accepted and excused a lot of things that I wouldn’t let anyone else get away with though I knew that extraordinary people deserve extraordinary treatment, but we continued to reconnect with one another. Of course, when two people have had as much history and chemistry as we have, the lines can easily become blurred. I told myself that all of the incompatibilities could be overlooked because we worked well together and we were comfortable. But I could not ignore the loud echoing of family and friends chanting, “Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.”

Although I still find value in his judiciousness, I’ve now learned to seek wisdom and learning opportunities elsewhere because trying to remain friends with someone you love and find attractive and incredibly smart can easily stunt your personal life. Spending day after day being mesmerized by one another makes it difficult to find someone else who is better suited for you. So I had to fully understand that saying goodbye to someone who was a lover, friend, partner, and teacher was not a bad thing. When I decided to say goodbye to him, I realized I was actually saying hello to someone new, and I couldn’t be happier.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Doris C. Agwu is a Health professional and educator that manages an allied health department at a University. Outside of work she enjoys the company of her beautiful, black sisters discussing love, career goals, and fears. As a woman who doesn't consider herself a writer, because she doesn't want to take away from those who are true to the craft, she still enjoys playing with words

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