5 Basic Rules for a Break-Up Recovery

by Dalila Thomas Relationships can be hard, and even harder when they don’t work out. When it co...


by Dalila Thomas


Relationships can be hard, and even harder when they don’t work out. When it comes to break-ups, no matter who broke up with whom, there’s going to be some pain involved. Is there any way to change this? Not exactly. Time does heal all wounds essentially, but there are some ways to make a break-up easier on yourself, so you can begin healing sooner rather than later.


Limit communication.

This is probably one of the first, and key, actions you need to take when going through a break-up—Especially a fresh one. Limit or cut off all communication with your ex-partner: calls, texts, social media, all of it. Even if you’ve agreed to be “friends," you still need some time and space to get readjusted to not being with that person. During the first month or so (depending on how long you’ve been together) you can be very vulnerable, mistaking vulnerability for wanting your ex-partner back. No need for that mess. You all broke up for a reason, remember?

This means with their family and friends too…

This can be another difficult thing to do. Cutting off the family members/friends of your ex. Now there may be some family members and friends that you want to remain in touch with, which is up to you. However, it’s probably safe to give yourself space from for a few weeks/months for healing purposes. And if they truly have your best interests at heart, they should respect your decision. If not, it’s probably okay to cease those relationships as well.

Seek out support.

You will have rough times. You will miss your ex. You will get sad reminiscing about the past. You will get lonely. You may also feel frustrated or angry or hurt, depending on the circumstances. This is the time to seek out support from friends, family, and your higher power. That last one may especially be important, as it’s important to remain faithful that you’ll pull through. Whoever you worship, you’re going to need a little spiritual reinforcement during this time. Send those prayers up and keep your faith on fleek!

Date yourself.

In addition to spending spiritual/religious time, spend a lot of time with yourself; doing things you like to do. Shop, go to the movies, hang with the girls. Heck, if financially feasible, take a vacation. Throw yourself into you work. Start a new project or hobby. Vivica Fox said it best: “Occupy your damn time.”

Make your next move your BEST move.

No, that doesn’t mean move on to the next boo thang. You’ve just closed a pretty prominent chapter of your life. Now that the initial shock has worn off—and your psyche is in a normal state—you can start asking yourself, “What do I want?” Set some new goals for yourself. And if the question of whether or not you want to be friends with your ex after the fact (because that happens from time to time) comes up, you’ve probably had enough time to decipher whether or not that’s a good idea. Only YOU know what is best for you, so follow your gut.

Chances are you’ve dedicated a great deal of time to your previous relationship, so there are some things you’ve had to compromise. Now that you’re single again, you don’t have to compromise anymore. Spend time doing the things you want to do with the people you’d like to do them with. Take all the “me” time in the world. Above all, know that at the end of the day, it will be okay.


Dalila Thomas is a regular contributor at For Harriet.

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