Desperately Seeking Sisters

Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you - I observe everything. I watch people’s actions, reactions, facial expressions, body language, unspoken hints and innuendoes. I have encountered things that made me happy, proud, and even angry. I have also witnessed things that have saddened me - like the sad state that we, Black women, have fallen into when it comes to love. We will do almost anything for attention and affection. For instance, out of sheer envy and jealousy, we talk about one another. We hate on each other every chance we get. And when it comes to love, some of us are so desperate that there is no limit to what we’ll do to get a man. It does not matter whose man it is. If he shows any interest, our teeth hang out of our mouths because our smile is so big!

It doesn’t matter if he is your sister, best friend, cousin, or co-work’s man. The only effort he has to exert is a smile. And he has you. But do you ever stop to wonder why he comes after you and not your classy friend or co-worker? Well, let me inform you. He knows you. He has learned your character. He knows that you are desperate and easy. He knows that you are a low self-esteemed, miserable, and insecure woman. He senses that you have no morals. He knows you are down for whatever with no regrets or remorse. That’s why he came after you knowing that he’s about to marry your first cousin in three months. And just to think, you thought he came after you because you were so irresistible. No dear, you are far from it.

The sad part about this whole scenario is that deep down inside you know the real truth. You know that you are miserable. And it hurts. You know that you are unhappy. You parade around as though everything is just fine and dandy, but you know that it’s all a façade. You allow your desperation to break up families, destroy marriages, terminate lifelong friendships, and create hostile work environments between co-workers. You know it but yet do nothing to correct it.

Ladies, I am not judging anyone. I’m really not. I am only stating the sad truth. I know there is a shortage of marriage-minded Black men who are available, ready and willing to commit in a relationship. I am still single; so, believe me, I do understand. But our behavior must change in order for our situation to improve. Black women are the most abandoned and disrespected demographic in this country. And we wonder why. Respect begins within. I REPEAT, respect begins within! Until we respect ourselves, love ourselves, and demand respect from others, nothing will change. We will continue to be “the other woman” instead of his only woman.

So, if you happen to run across a man who’s already taken, do yourself a huge favor – smile and walk away. He is neither worth the heartache nor the pain that is sure to come along with his broad chest, pearly white teeth and gorgeous face. Besides, we are not that desperate for love. Are we?

Mikki C. Zimmerman is the author of Can I Get a Witness? 21 Frustrations of Black Women (Including Me) (Xlibris Corp., 2009). It can be purchased online at, and

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