Are We Looking For The Right Things In A Man?

Call me old-fashioned but when friends tell me about meeting a new man, I am genuinely excited. However, the mixed feelings begin with this familiar phrase, “Girl you should see his ride!” My thoughts begin to race. Did he lure her with the goods? What if these luxuries did not exist, would he still be considered a potential candidate? I have seen plenty of women who have let a man slide a bit in the personality category, because of his riches. Many women have even forgone attraction for the promise of shopping sprees, jewels, or the simple comfort of the “S” word…stability.

Let’s get back to the basics. What is it that attracts us to each other? Some scientists believe in pheromones – that chemical animal attraction that draws us almost blindly to each other. Have you ever felt it? There is something about the thrilling feeling of reciprocated desire. But where does it originate? More importantly, what can we learn from the lesser animals about purpose and roles?

It is a familiar occurrence. A young healthy male displays his colors or sounds a mating call to attract a perspective female mate. If she is drawn to his demonstration and accepts his offer, the ritual begins. Some species of birds build nests with various materials to show proof of being a good provider. They do the work before finding a suitable mate, establishing a solid foundation. They are smart little peckers.

Switch your attention to the male/female human species. A man’s need to impress or acquire items or a lifestyle that attracts women is natural. Any direction you spin the issue, males are supposed to chase or initiate females in contact. The major role women play in this activity is acceptance or denial. Ladies, this is a power not to be taken lightly. We know men should in some way show they are capable mates; able to create life and sustain it. The ultimate biblical and biological goal is to be “fruitful and multiply”, but where does that leave us 21st century women?

Should we be attracted to wallets, vehicles, massive credit limits, private jets, mansions and private communities? Is this the alternative to physical strength, intelligence, good intentions, a favorable blood line, and hard work ethic? Perhaps material items & portfolios have replaced the family involved, community-backed, and well-spoken for gents of yester year. Women do not expect ancient mating dances and the intricate markings of our African ancestors, but a recommitment to the value of the male role is overdue.

Rituals may be out of the question, but the concept is for a man to show his virility. Ask yourself can this man sire and raise your children or be a good step father? If you do not want to have children, the rules still apply. Survival of the fittest in this arena means physical strength, ingenuity and substance. You want a man who will not only provide financially, but emotionally as well. In relationships, we should look for a person who will support us when it counts the most. Certainly, flashing a diamond or some cash will brighten a mood, but they are temporary fleeting moments and certainly unfulfilling.

Make no mistake you can tell a lot about a man from his bank account. However, men do not come with a letter of intent any more than babies come with manuals. Much of the knowledge you will gain is through interaction and experience. There is much that we can surmise if we listen to a man discussing his background and goals. Does he speak with passion and a sense of urgency to achieve his desired future? If he is chock-full of excuses and complaints, recognize it quickly and “exit stage left”. Try to find out how he has dealt with life’s challenges and obstacles. This “interview” process of candidates, otherwise known as “dating”, is essential.

The quest to find the right man may seem like a game of “Hit or Miss”. But, before letting men into our hearts, bed, psyche, we should do our best to know the individual and what he is capable of. Otherwise this dating thing is just a pointless endless game with many defeats. Think of marriage or moving in together as a business merger. You both bring something to the table and you clearly need each other to conquer the future.

Ladies, how do we avoid the dangling Golden Carrot? So he promises you shopping sprees or simply to pay your rent or mortgage, but is he your match or your, want-to-be savior? Decide today that whatever you want in life, it will not require a man to achieve it. However, resign yourself to see a man as a co-pilot. Can you fly a plane by yourself (i.e. buy a home, travel, become a success)? Yes, but it is a much more enjoyable experience with someone else, especially in times of turbulence and soaring.

Maybe you are tired of the roller coaster of searching for Mr. Right and have decided you do not need a companion. Be clear haphazard casual dating of men you have no intention of being in a relationship with is a waste of time. It sets you back, and is occasionally dangerous. Finding a man with 20 out of 20 on your “perfect man” list is unrealistic, but that does not mean candidates with 2 out of 20 should be entertained. You may actually start to believe the small pond you are swimming in is the only source of a “good catch”. Work on getting out of the habit of casual dating, sex, etc…Your efforts will either yield major profits or emotional bankruptcy.

Playing hard to get for the sake of the chase is equally flawed. If you desire to, you can watch talk shows, read books, listen to radio discussion and talk with your friends. If you leave a man thinking you are too good for him or disinterested you may be left alone. When you find a man - the right man, he will go the extra mile without seeming desperate. The communication of his feelings towards you and his intentions will be easy to recognize, receive, and reciprocate. Getting to know you and sharing himself with you will be a priority. The display or mention of materials gifts, funds, trips, etc., might be the bait that hooked you, but it will be the essence of the man that reels you into the boat.


Keisha McLean has always had a passion for words and writing. Her love for God, community, music and youth can be attributed to the women in her upbringing. She enjoys singing and listening to a broad variety of music. Keisha admits she spends a bit too much time on social media networks and blogging. However, she stays grounded by facilitating life skills workshops for teenagers. You can find Keisha on Twitter as @KJayTruth or on her blog http://thejoyoftruth.blogspot.com