Choosing Intentional Love

by Nika of Faces of Black Fashion

Many of us are intentional about various areas in our lives. We have a goal, and we strive for it by any means necessary. For example, we will invest thousands of dollars, sacrifice sleep and go without certain luxuries to earn that degree or attain our career goals. We chart our paths and stick to it, knowing that success takes tenacity and strength of character. Thus knowingly or unknowingly, we become intentional about our goals. We are intentional by our actions.

So I wonder, should we be just as intentional about love? How much control do we, or should we exert over how we date, who we choose to date or who we allow into our lives? Like the career example above, can we be just as intentional about love and marriage? A few short years ago, I would have quickly answered “no.” The hopeless romantic part of me believed that we should leave love to chance and that finding “the one” was a matter of kismetic fate. While that is definitely true for some, experience and personal growth taught me that whether we realize it or not, most of us are intentional about dating. Remember our actions show our intentions.

To be fair, I do know that when it comes to matters of the heart, we have to surrender some measure of control. Love demands that we exercise faith and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Nevertheless, we can (in fact I believe we must) be intentional about some aspects of love. We must exercise agency by choosing what we will or will not accept and allow. If we are marriage-minded, we can choose whether or not we date time wasters or other marriage-minded people. We choose whether or not we will do the very important work of learning to love ourselves and only allowing people in our lives who love us just the same.

Choosing to be intentional in love takes effort, a house is not built in a day and neither is a love life. I do believe that we all have a hand in creating the lives we want, and we create that life one choice at a time. Why not create the love life you want? Will you leave everything to chance and choose by default or will you choose to love intentionally?

Related:

A Black Girls Guide: From Fear to Freedom

I Am Enough: On Self-Validation and Refusing to Settle in Life or Love