3 Must-Have Tools for Your Self-Love Toolbox

Self-love is the ability to see yourself as a worthy and valuable person regardless of your situation in life.

People often confuse self-love with self-care.  Self-care are the actions you take to support and care for yourself.  Often, self-care is inspired by self-love, but they're not quite the same.  Self-love isn't necessarily attached to any particular action.  Self-love is a perspective, a way of thinking, which permeates every aspect of your life.


Self-love is a popular phrase these days.  We’ve all been told that we need to love ourselves, but how do we actually do that?  Sadly, we aren’t taught self-love tools in school and rarely do we get those tools from our friends and family.

So I wanted to share with you a few of the tools that I use with my life coaching clients to help them fall deeply in love with the person that they are.

1. The Victory List – At the end of the day, most of us go through a mental list of all the things that we didn’t accomplish that day and push those items onto our to-do list for the following day.  Building your to-do list is great, but it often leaves us feeling frustrated at all the things that didn’t get accomplished or worse, we judge ourselves for not getting tasks done.  The Victory List is an opportunity to pause and acknowledge all the wonderful things you do each day.  To compile your Victory List, list five items that you accomplished that day.  They can be as small as helping someone cross the street or as large as completing your taxes.  Writing your Victory List each night gets you into the practice of noticing all the good that you do.
2. The Self-Esteem File – How many times have you received a compliment from a co-worker or a sweet note from a friend that said something positive about you? Yet, when you’re getting down on yourself, you can’t seem to remember why anyone would care for you.  The Self-Esteem File is a tool that helps to stand in that gap.  You build a Self-Esteem File by collecting positive comments, notes and emails and placing them in your file.  I actually use a hardcover book I got at an art store and paste email printouts and cards into the pages.  Then, when you feel blue, you can flip through the pages and be bolstered by all the positive comments.
3. The “Who Am I?” Board – If you’ve been in the self-improvement world for awhile, you may have heard of dream boards or vision boards.  They’re typically used as a crafty way to put your goals on display so they can inspire you as you work toward them.  “Who Am I?” boards focus on who you are now, not what you want to become.  Find pictures and items to create a collage that represents your greatest strengths.  Here’s a tip, if you’re having trouble coming up with your strengths, ask your closest friends to help you come up with a list! Once your collage is done, place it somewhere that you can access it whenever you’re feeling down to remind you of how special you really are.

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Marsha Philitas is a certified life coach and the founder of The Trifecta Tribe, an organization that helps LGBTQ women of color all in love with themselves, their lives and their purpose.  She created Self-Love 101, the flagship course for the Trifecta Tribe, to help women learn the HOW of self-love.  You can find The Trifecta Tribe on Facebook or follow her own Twitter for lessons on self-love and self-care.