Don't Touch That 401K: Think Twice Before Balling Out on Your Boo

I’m wishing and hoping that one day ladies will finally realize that love cannot be bought and that they stop wasting their time, energy and resources attempting to buy love.

I’ve read countless stories and have also seen television shows interview women that meet someone online and who shortly thereafter, begin sending him (a person they’ve never even seen in person) thousands of dollars until their homes are mortgaged to the hilt and their savings and retirement funds are depleted.


Black women, who are oftentimes at the bottom of the financial totem pole, really have no business allowing someone to rob them of their meager resources.

In an attempt to secure love, women sometimes wager their meager resources on a man who has a dream, but no money to fund it. These men are who I like to refer to as, “entreprenouveaus,” which means their business aspirations are very green. They have their corporations in place on paper, or not, but either way their corporations have no assets. Mr. Entreprenouveau has bad credit, he doesn’t own anything of his own, but he has just presented the greatest business idea in the world to you, a woman in need of love by any means possible, no matter how non-productive it is. Your 401k, retirement savings or home equity is all that he needs to make the millions that have eluded him. Don’t believe the hype!

Scammers are really good at figuring out and preying on the vulnerabilities of the people (women) they are scamming.

The Consumers League says to watch for these red flags:

• You are being asked for money.
• There is a confession of love soon after you begin communicating.
• The person claims to be a U.S. citizen who is living abroad, who embellishes his professional credentials.
• The person wants you to help with their business or get involved in a business deal.

I advise that you give money only to someone you’ve met in person and have known for a long time and can truly trust. I would suggest that you make it a personal rule not to give or loan a significant amount of cash to anyone you’re romantically interested in, whether the relationship is face-to-face or in virtual space.

If your honey needs money, look at the situation as an opportunity to see how he handles a financial crisis. When faced with an unplanned expense, does your Pookey have to resort to borrowing? I’m not saying never give any money to your Boo. Of course, you will trade off paying for dates or transferring a little money between the two of you, but I want to emphasize it should be only a little money. You should not be paying the person’s rent, car note or any other bill. Don’t lend or give him money to fix his car. These are expenses your sweetheart should be paying without your help, and please don’t ever borrow money to help out your sweetie. If they need financial assistance, help them find another source. Don’t take a loan against your 401(k), and for goodness sake, don’t borrow against your home.

Bailing out your boo is not an indication of your commitment to the relationship. It’s an indication you’re dating someone who needs to budget, get another job (or a job) or move back in with his mama. This information ought to put you on the right track.

Use wisdom.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Raina Shaw is the Salon Chair Therapist. Find out more about her at her website,

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