I'm Single, Saved, Celibate… and Still Thinking About Sex

by Kareema El-Amin

I am a single, saved, 40-something woman who is waiting until marriage to have sex. And yes, I think about having sex at least a hundred times throughout the day.

According to most mainstream media, being divorced and in my forties leaves me with a very slim chance of finding someone to spend my life with in holy matrimony. Though I try very hard not to take to heart most things I hear or read from the media, it is terrifying to think that I may never get to have sex again—at least not if I want to honor my commitment to the faith I proclaim to follow.

As a Christian woman, waiting to have sex until after I am married is something that is very important to me. However, my body is at its sexual peak in my forties, and has something entirely different to say on the matter.

I am not a nymphomaniac, but I'm also no cold fish. And with the slim romantic prospects I've encountered lately, I see no relief from my perpetual state of arousal, coupled with a deep guilt because my thoughts are of a sexual nature more often than not.

My dilemma is how do I reconcile my religious beliefs with my desire to have an orgasm that isn't self-initiated? For some Christians, the fact that I’m even saying these things is enough to have me cast into purgatory along with all the other amoral and lustful women who have ever walked the earth. I truly desire to wait on my husband to find me, sweep me off my feet and make love to me throughout my sexual prime time. But the fact is, the thought of engaging in pre-marital sex is tempting and, unfortunately, most churches do not equip you—at least in my opinion—to deal with sexual longing, especially if you've previously experienced the joy of a fulfilling sexual relationship.

With no answers or guidance from the church, where does that leave me—and countless other single, saved women over 40 who still hope to find a husband who can give us companionship, covering, and a fulfilling sexual relationship?

My faith is strong, but my flesh is weak. Though I haven’t succumbed to my baser needs, at times it becomes torturous to contemplate the thought of never experiencing the passion, intimacy, and release that sexual intercourse provides.

Having gone over this in my mind many, many, many times, I have come to the conclusion that there is no conclusion. I am a spiritual being, having an earthly experience, and part of that earthly experience is sex. I can’t get away from it. I can’t forget it. And the truth is, I don’t want to. However, I would like to see the church become more open to having this discussion in a way that allows me to be open and honest about how I am feeling, without the stigma and condemnation that can sometimes come along with the level of honesty I wish to express.

I am hopeful that one day my husband will find me. In fact, I believe that my husband has been praying for me, asking God to give me strength to overcome the battle I face daily with my flesh and desires. I am a work in progress, and I believe God honors my desire to walk in holiness and righteousness. He honors my desire to trust His word in that there is something so uniquely special about marriage, it is a mystery to behold and discover.

I continue to pray and seek God for strength during this time of my life, and in the meantime, if you catch me daydreaming, you can probably guess what I’m thinking about.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

Kareemah El-Amin is holy fire-filled Christian, speaker, psalmist, and author of the soon to be released book, The Two Became One.

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