Why Do So Many Black Men Hate Black Women?

by Courtney Carter for The Huffington Post

"…and when he get on he'll leave your ass for a white girl."

Let me start by saying this, I know writing this article was going to cause quite a bit of controversy. So let's get this out of the way: I am intelligent, not what society deems "ghetto" and from what I am told and from where I work in the television business, I am attractive. Why is that necessary to say? Let's start below:

Black men don't like black women. Yes, I said it.

Not all, but many and it's growing. I think I wouldn't really care if OTHER races felt this way, but the fact that my own men do, made me consider turning my backs on them multiple times.

My boyfriend and I were having a conversation (he is Black and Puerto Rican) about black men vs black women. It started getting intense and I said, "you don't get it! Black men are viewed as sexy and in a sense a "trophy" for another race, but black women are never deemed the most attractive. Other races are always seen as a trophy on the arm of a Black man".

He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "you don't understand the black man struggle. They look at me like I'm a criminal." And in a sense, I might not. But I thought in my head, "at least black women VALUE a black man. It's becoming rare to see the reverse."

This all started because I was referencing a conversation we had when I was pregnant with our son. He said lightheartedly, "I hope our son has my hair". My boyfriend has beautiful soft curls, a genetic gift from both of his races.

But, my heart sunk. What did he mean? I am known for being sensitive so I asked.

He said, "Courtney..I see you struggle with your hair and I think it would be nice if he had my curly hair. You wouldn't want him to have coarse hair if you could help it? It would be easier to manage if his hair was curly was all I'm saying".

The rational part of me thought about what he was trying to say... but no matter how much I replayed it, it still didn't sound right to me.

What was he trying to say about MY hair?

Everywhere from pop culture to the hood, men are either consciously or subconsciously telling black women they aren't "wanted". I have seen a black man not stare twice at a black woman who I would see as beautiful and yet I've seen him break his neck for a decent (if dare I say unattractive) women of another race..huh?

Why are rap songs all about white women? If you think I'm wrong listen to your music and get back to me.

Granted, I think everyone is entitled to a personal preference of who they like. But when you start saying things as a black man such as, "I DON'T date black women, I don't find them attractive." I think we have an issue.

Even Psychology Today wrote an article that spoke about black women being unattractive (it is now taken down).

Black men: your mom is black. Your sisters are black. Your favorite aunt is BLACK. Do you think they're all unattractive?

As I've gotten older I've met many of men who will openly say they don't want a baby with a black woman. They want a baby with "light skin or light eyes and good hair".


If you don't support us black men how do you expect us to be able to support you?Do you even want us too anymore?

I never understood why it made a certain type of Black man feel good to have a white woman on his arm. It would be one thing if it was true love, but some are just doing it because they see it as a prize.

Even on social media, my heart will sink as I see Black women I've known from high school or elementary now say they're "Black and Filipino", "Black and Puerto Rican", "Black and whatever race"… just don't say you're full Black! It seems these women have been conditioned to think they're not worthy if they're "just Black".

These statements below are the most common things I hear about why black men don't like black women:

"Black Women Have Too Much Attitude/Ghetto"

Before I met my boyfriend's mother in person, she thought I was white. No kidding. From the way I spoke on the phone to the way "I act" I have been dupped the "whitest black girl" from my hometown to a city close to the Canadian border (Syracuse what what!). The point of this is that I don't have an attitude problem nor am I ghetto. I WILL get an attitude like any women would over normal things. But I have friends of many backgrounds, I've seen Asian women get an attitude, Caucasian women and Latina women (mind blowing right?)

Photo credit: Deposit Photos

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