Don't Be Ashamed to Ask for Help1/05/2015
by Celena Gill Being a woman is hard. And being a black woman is harder. I grew up in a household where I was molded into being an indep...
by Celena Gill
Being a woman is hard. And being a black woman is harder. I grew up in a household where I was molded into being an independent, well-educated, self-sufficient, and self-sustaining woman. To my mother, a husband was not of much use. Her own father was abusive and controlling. She then left her father’s house and went straight into her husband’s home.
That worked for me for a few years into adulthood, but quite frankly, it all came crashing down after I had my first son. I was a single mother living away from home with new friends, a new job, and a new community. I got to the point where I couldn’t manage everything by myself. My job, my home environment, and my personal life were suffering.
Lesson: Generational patterns that are destructive may completely hinder your growth. In order to evolve into your ideal self, you will need support and guidance from those who have experience and wisdom. Asking for help may be a new tradition, but it is one that will serve you and others well in the long run. It is serving me awesomely so far.
Lesson: Others’ opinions of me should be, for the most part, unimportant. If I allow other’s opinions of me to determine or influence my choices, I risk diminishing my own potential by hiding under their false beliefs about me. The only way that you can unleash and break free from living a substitute life is to completely abandon the beliefs that cause you fear, anxiety, and pain. Until you stop living in other people’s smallness, you will never be great.
Lesson: A trauma from the past may have created misery then, but it should only be a memory now. Allowing others “in” doesn’t mean that I have to let all of me “out.” Everyone shouldn’t have access to my heart, but I can use my experience to discern someone’s place in my life without shutting them out completely (but will do so if absolutely necessary for my mental welfare).
Lesson: Instead of blaming my father and my mates for my failed relationships, I had to look at what I did to promote or invite unhealthy behavior. I had to radically change how I processed information and the processes in my relationships. Until you take a serious look in the mirror and detail what you do to stifle your success in any area of your life, there is no room to blame others. Check out your own behavior before you check someone else’s behavior.
The biggest lesson that I want you to take away is that you don’t have to carry your mate, husband, children, job, extended family, or society on your shoulders. Once I dumped those burdens off of my back, I was able to live my divine purpose. And I have never looked back.
Photo: Deposit Photos