The Necessary Lessons I've Learned About Sex, Intimacy & Pleasure5/02/2015
by Kesiena Boom I had sex for the first time when I was 17 years old. It wasn’t romantic or emotional, but it was hot as hell and gave ...
by Kesiena Boom
I had sex for the first time when I was 17 years old. It wasn’t romantic or emotional, but it was hot as hell and gave me something totally new to write about in my diary. In all honesty, I did not contribute a lot to the occasion, apart from a fuck ton of newbie enthusiasm and a general aura of disbelief. A few years and a few more partners later, I am a little less clueless and much more proactive when it comes to fucking. These are some of the lessons I have learned from getting up to no good.
1. My body is still my own during sex.
2. Don't extrapolate experiences.
3. Communication—before, during and after—is so important.
4. Through sex I have come to understand the beauty in my own body.
5. When I’m depressed, sex makes me feel more—not less—depressed.
6. There is so much more to intimacy than sex.
7. My self-esteem should not be linked to my partner's sex drive.
8. Sometimes your body will not react the way you want it to.
It’s important that we remember sex has a lifelong learning curve. As our partners, our bodies, and our lives change—so will our sex lives, and the things we find desirable or pleasurable.
What lessons have you learned about sex, intimacy, and pleasure?
Kesiena Boom is a Black lesbian feminist and writer who adores Audre Lorde, sisterhood, and the sociology of sexuality. She is twenty years old. She is a regular contributor at For Harriet and Autostraddle.com. You can tweet at her via @KesienaBoom.