advice motivation self affirmation self care
They Don't Wanna Be Saved: Six Types of People Black Women Should Stop Sacrificing For3/04/2016
by Denise Nichole Andrews @ DeniseNicohle Black women often take on huge responsibilities that put us at the forefront of our communities ...
by Denise Nichole Andrews @DeniseNicohle
Black women often take on huge responsibilities that put us at the forefront of our communities and families. In times of urgency, this serves us well as we become the agents of change and leaders of equality and justice. However, more often than not, we are taken advantage of by the very same individuals we seek to help, educate, and “save”. Here are six types of people who don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
Some people just don’t get our causes and issues. Many don’t understand #BlackLivesMatter or #BlackGirlMagic so we decide to make it our mission to inform them. In the process, we exhaust our resources and efforts on the wrong people. We spend too much time arguing and debating and not enough time advocating and rallying. Your ignorant boss or friend does not make or break the cause. Those people are not our problems. What they fail to understand is not a reflection of our wrongdoing, but a consequence of their own ignorance. Let them be. You are not responsible for changing them.
Significant others who don’t contribute
Relationships are meaningful and rewarding when shared with the right person but that hope can come to a standstill when you try to force it. If your significant other does not support you, encourage you, or motivate you in the ways that matter- it may be time to say Bye Felicia! Takers are easy to find, but givers are harder to come by. Any person that wants to stick around in your life must earn it. It’s up to you to decide those grounds. But if anything believe us when we say that you are worthy.
Ungrateful Adult Children
Parents may find that their role as mothers do not stop when their children turn eighteen. No, motherhood is defined by a lifetime of sacrifice and support yet it can be easy to forget when enough is enough. Adult children are not entitled to your financial support and shelter. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell to figure it out. Constantly coming to their rescue when they are in a time of need, may prevent them from gaining the skills they need to become successful on their own. If you want to see them fly, let them open their wings.
Judgmental Family Members
Many of us hope to gain our family’s approval by living a life that is pleasing to them, but often times that goal becomes impossible to obtain. Family members may adopt harsh attitudes and feel the need to criticize everything from your weight, to your decision to rock natural hair, changing your college major, or skipping church on Sundays. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Their approval means nothing if you aren’t happy. You don’t have to change everything you are to make them proud because in the end that will leave you empty and unfulfilled.
You’ve known these types of friends since you were six or you met them in college and have always had a strong bond. Yet somewhere along the line you grew up, and they did not. They still hit you up to go to grimey clubs or ask you for money. When you give in and make plans, they may show up late or make excuses for flaking. Unfortunately, this is something you expect since its impossible to rely on them. Don’t ignore that voice that tells you when these situations are bad. Don’t ignore the voice that tells you to run! Your discomfort and stress around toxic friends speaks volumes of your relationship with them. It may be time to let them go.
Remember that girl that you just didn’t like in high school? Or the colleague who always shot your ideas down? You’re friends on Facebook you say? What! Why? Just because you know them doesn’t mean you have to keep in touch with them. The relationship has already run its course, there is no need to constantly remind yourself of the disappointment. You may think having them around is motivating since they can see all of your current progress and success. It may even feel good to rub it in their face with a very sexy selfie from time to time. Yet, seeking their acceptance and trying to impress them is a waste of time. If there is no sincerity on your part how can you expect the same from them? Delete them or block them. Do whatever you have to remove that negativity from your life.
It’s time to live for you and nobody else. There’s no reason that you should go above and beyond or out of your way for the people that drain you of all that you are. You deserve more. You deserve better. Let the haters hate. Let the spectators watch. Let the dogs bark and the gossipers’ gossip. You have a life to live. You have an empire to build. You have dreams to turn in to reality. Yeah girl, you got work to do. You don’t have to answer to anybody but you. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.
Denise Nichole Andrews explores identity, relationships, and mental health through various art forms and mediums.