Confessions of a Former Party Girl Desperately Trying to Fit In

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I'm a former party girl. I moved to New York City in 2006 and lived in one of the most popular hotspots in Manhattan, a little place called the East Village. I lived with three other roommates and made some friends who loved to be social and never let the grass grow under their feet. I also lived in a borough where there was a bar on every block. The equivalent of 7-11's in the South. I decided to try to desperately fit in by shedding off my nerdy girl image and put on a new party girl persona wardrobe that would be fitting for living in downtown Manhattan.

I knew that this was not me at all. However, this was really the only way I knew I could keep my friends and not seem odd to anyone. I did a lot of things that, frankly, I regret. I only wish I could turn back the hands of time and confront my fears and face the fact that it's okay to be who I am. I was in my twenties at the time, and I guess I can blame some of this on my age and simply being naive. Now that I am in my thirties (eek) I frankly don't really give a damn what people think of me. I don't even care what people think of my tastes in men, music, movies, or culture in general. I am who I am and if you don't like it and I don't fit into your tiny little box, then the hell with ya!

Read: Why It's OK To Act Your Age

I guess putting on the social mask of being a party girl was my way of releasing the suppressed wild child within me that did not get released during my college years. I was an excellent student in college and I did not live on campus nor did I experience all of the crazy social events, parties, and sorority group my university had to offer me. I was simply a commuter student that studied hard, stayed at home with family and stayed grounded. So I guess I can say that I lived my "college years" when I first moved out on my own when I moved to NYC in 2006.

Read: Identity Crisis: Unanswered Questions of Young Black Womanhood

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we simply want to fit in because we want to make other people around us feel comfortable. In the meantime we compromise our own comfort to satisfy friends. I do wish I could go back and change the way I behaved back then, but I look at that time as a lesson to first of all---never go down that road again, and second to know that if I have friends that don't like the true me--they are not worth my time. My party girl days are over and I am so relieved because it's not cheap keeping up with that lifestyle and waking up with a hangover every morning is such a disgusting feeling. However, waking up with piece of mind is soooo much better!


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Jamie is the creator of Black Girl Nerds. The site is geared towards a subculture of women who embrace their nerdiness and feel empowered by their quirky personalities. Jamie has been blogging since 2007 and hold a Masters degree in Film and Marketing.

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