by Courtney Boyd

For as long as I can remember I’ve been suicidal, paranoid and unnervingly anxious.
There are moments in my life where I can barely tell left from right. I have always been an emotional wreck, probably bipolar or manic depressive. The online tests I took suggested I have borderline personality disorder, and I’ve tried to accept the fact that maybe much of this is true. Most of my behaviors are sub-clinical at best; the less desirable byproducts of a dysfunctional social construct. I am ineffectively coping with the traumas that happened to me as a child, but I wasn’t able to attribute my present pathology to things in my past. If it weren’t for my therapist, I wouldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel.

He says, “I’m sick of her always trying to boss me around with all that endless nagging. I’m not her son. I’m her man!” She says, “I’m tired of saying the same thing to him over and over. Will he ever get a clue”? The roles of spouse/live-in-lover have turned into a Mommy-Son relationship. It’s certainly not the life dreams are made of.

If you are a working woman who also takes care of household duties, more than likely you are physically and mentally exhausted when you get home from work. The last thing you want to do is housework, and babysitting tasks for your husband and kids, but someone has to do it. You pay the bills, wash the clothes, plan outings, schedule doctor’s visits, and shop, just to name a few things. It is a wonder you are still standing. You are breathing, but clearly comatose.

You get home and your significant other has neglected to take out the trash or call the repairman/superintendent for household repairs. To make matters worse his work clothes lay in the spot where he took them off. Your man is settled into his favorite piece of furniture in front of the TV. Usually, he barely looks in your direction when you walk through the door. Occasionally, you receive the impassionate peck kiss. However, he quickly turns his head and attention away from you, leaving little time for you to return the gesture.

There are unfinished tasks staring you in the face. Do you remind him of the things he neglected to do? If so, does he reply with, “In a minute the game is on”? After ten minutes of silently seething, do you take out the trash, followed by putting his work clothes in the hamper? You regretfully resign yourself to use your lunch hour to contact the repairman. Hopefully, you will not have to schedule time off from work. You pray the repairman has weekend hours available.

Next you prepare dinner, while making sure the kids have done their homework. Lastly, it is time to get clothes and lunches ready for tomorrow. Phew! It seems a Super Woman’s work is never done! You receive little to no help from your mate throughout this process. Yet he seems oblivious to the work you are doing, as if you were a machine on auto-pilot.

Now the man, who all but ignored you, is getting ready for bed. Of course he still has “needs”. Hubby is giving you those bedroom eyes, but you are feeling beyond tired. You are aggravated and sexually turned off, because let’s face it: sometimes your man acts like a teenager. At this point, you are annoyed and close to disgusted. You don’t feel sexy and your attraction to your man went south the moment you came home to the mess. He is far from sexy and all this bickering has made you feel older than your age.

Your love making is as eventful as a T-ball game and your mind is elsewhere. Your partner can feel your lack of passion and overall disinterest. He acts as if it is his right to demand access to your body, with disregard for your mind and spirit. You lie awake in bed asking yourself how things got this bad. Lying next to you is your man who is pretending to be sleep in order to avoid the intimacy both of you are craving.

Recently, your man began regular lunch dates with Lisa from his job who has promised him all the fun he can handle in the sack, minus the accountability and responsibility of a genuine adult relationship. She is a teen male’s dream. To make matters worse, the Phys Ed teacher/assistant coach who is “extra” helpful with getting your child’s sports equipment in and out of your minivan is looking dangerously handsome in his recreation clothes. Not to mention the not so subtle compliments he throws your way. After all, he has the traits you are craving, thoughtfulness, consideration and usefulness.

You are in quite the dilemma. Is your marriage/relationship slowly drifting off of a steep cliff? Let’s rewind. When you met your man, you had separate lives, but you promised to share the load and combine into one. In the beginning, you both did all the special little things: fun outings, quiet time at home, whispering sweet nothings, communicating what you appreciate about each other, and sharing hopes and dreams. There were small “just because” gifts and spontaneous laughter filled the air. That good feeling you got when you came home to each other is as stale as a microwave bag of popcorn that sat opened all day.

Take an honest look. Is this the person you want to spend your life with? Coming home to your man feeling unsatisfied and unloved, going through the motions is no field day. Be clear there are things that you did to put yourself in this position. If you want this relationship to work, you need to be as honest as possible. Running a bulleted Microsoft PowerPoint presentation titled “The Stuff I Hate About You” won’t do. Pray or meditate on a scripture or saying, whatever you do to clear your mind of junk and seek direction. You will need a level-head.

Communicate that there is some distance between you and ask if he noticed. If he agrees and wants to remedy the problem, ask for suggestions. This discussion does not have to be formal. However, it cannot be discussed while watching TV, before, during or after making love, or when sleepy. This is about the success of your future and overall happiness. Get serious or quit while you are ahead. Give this conversation your full attention. Here comes the hard part. If he pretends that everything is fine, you need to accept that he is comfortable with your dysfunctional relationship.

Try telling him what makes you tick and what makes you sick. Name some things you would like him to change? Name some habits you are willing to give up. If it boils your blood when he leaves a mess for you to clean every day, say it. Show him the triggers that cause bland food, the silent treatment and lackluster bedroom romps. However, now listen because this is crucial. Do not forget the good stuff. Compliments and encouragement go a long way.

Be prepared to hear some things that you do not want to hear. Keep the facial expressions and overdone gestures to a minimum. This talk will not be wrapped in a bow. More than likely it will not flow like champagne at an album release party. Be patient. Listen to what he is saying, if he has never been secretive or a pathological liar, do not be quick to disbelieve or dismiss his complaints. I will bet he can name as many things missing from your relationship as you can.

Are you surprised that he hates that you do everything for him? Does there appear to be hurt or anger in his tone? Treating him like a teenager has given him free reign to behave selfishly. It has also allowed him to act on impulse and desire with disregard for you and the household. No wonder he acts out by giving you the silent treatment like an unhappy 14 year old male. You ought to be surprised he is still keeping within curfew limits.

The blame game regarding who did what first is not going to work this time. What is done is done. The next move is on you. Both of you must recognize that it is ok to get what you want. The key lies in understanding that a bit of consideration and compromise will ease the pressure. There is no quick fix towards daily pleasure. But, like anything else, if it is worth having it is worth the work.

It is time to reconnect. Rediscover the things that made you first take notice of each other; celebrate those things. Start with activities: date nights, home cooked meals or favorite restaurants, or shared interests. Live Music at a jazz club or a bans at the local lounge. Try a recreational activity together, i.e. (basketball, jogging, exercise in the park, gardening, or a barbecue-for-two).

Discuss the mundane things that affect your day-to-day life. Talk about your work day or the kid’s school project. Try your best to avoid one word answers and dissertations. Be detailed, but concise. Keep your relationship fresh. Spice up your sex life. Do you care to know what pleasures each other? Are you willing to try new things within reason? Planned time together can lead to more spur-of-the-moment time together.

The next time he cleans the dishes and they’re not spotless, do not commence with berating. As long as he performed his task with care, be appreciative. When he did the laundry he forgot to use fabric softener, so what? Thank him and show him how to do it or ask him if his clothes feel the same this wash. Never complete the task for him, unless he asks you to. This emasculates him and makes him decide not to help out next time.

Put forth the effort to rebuild. Be prepared for hard work ahead. Things will not change overnight. You are partners, the complement of each other. Remember, your role is wife/lover to your man, NOT mother.

Keisha McLean has always had a passion for words and writing. Her love for God, community, music and youth can be attributed to the women in her upbringing. She enjoys singing and listening to a broad variety of music. Keisha admits she spends a bit too much time on social media networks and blogging. However, she stays grounded by facilitating life skills workshops for teenagers. You can find Keisha on Twitter as @KJayTruth or on her blog http://thejoyoftruth.blogspot.com

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” ~ Audre Lorde

T and I have been the best of friends since sixth grade. She used to sneak her mother’s fashion fair makeup to school and give me fushia lips and golden shimmery eyes. I love her. I got to rub her belly a few days ago. It’s big and full; she’s seven months into a pregnancy that she’s waited a long time for. T will be an excellent mother. My own mother commented that she has “raised enough of other folks babies” to make that a reality. She’s beautiful, and strong, and depressed. We talked about the difficult relationship that she has had with her yet born son’s father. She feels like a failure because she has given him so many chances, and he continues to disappoint her, but she can’t seem to let him go. T is afraid, as she should be, of raising a child alone. She also feels less than excited about the baby’s arrival, and feels guilt about that too. I’ve been at that point, where the construct of Black womanhood comes crashing down, and one sits in the rubble of a lifetime of teachings wondering if any of those teachings hold truth.

That is what one study suggests. I was recently sent an article by a friend published on Psychology Today about black women being invisible. Hmmm, I know you're thinking, exactly what do they mean? The study noted in the article suggests that black women are often overlooked physically in public and their comments often go unheard or brushed off in social settings. There were two parts to the study. One part was a facial recognition of sorts and the other was a recall of comments made during a discussion.

Before I go any further, I want to say that I reached my own conclusion before I even finished reading the article. The very last class I took before graduating with my BA in Psychology was a class, more like a seminar on African-Americans. I remember the professor mentioning at the beginning of the course how women in general, but especially black women are often left out of or not used in research studies. One would argue, it is because how research is. I work in research. People feel that there may be some motives that aren't clear, but no research is clear nor would it be dependent if everything was known up front of what would be studied. It creates this bias which could have a serious effect on results. The other reason for not enough blacks in studies in general, is because a lot of research studies that involve studying the black population simply do not get funded. My professor wanted to do a study about stress and it's effects on the heart of black people. Our stressors are different. Our heart rates escalate when we walk into a mall for fear of being watched or followed because we may steal or when we are in class or work and we are the only Sistas Representin' (SRs) in the room. So, no wonder we may get overlooked in social studies because no other race besides our own wants to acknowledge us!

As I stated before, the study breaks itself down into the two parts. The first is where mixed races and genders were all in a crowd. Later, white participants were shown photos, some photos of the women who were in the crowd and some photos of people who were not there at all. The participant was asked to recall the faces they had seen. They recalled fewer black women and incorrectly at that, as opposed to any other race or gender.

In the second part of the study, mixed races and genders were in a social setting. Everyone, I'm guessing (it doesn't note in the article), were making comments. Later, the participants were asked to match comments with the participants in the social setting. Again, black women were overlooked. Matches were made either incorrectly or not at all to a black woman, but black men and their comments were matched more.

The article starts off suggesting that there are powerful black women whose lives impact the world. Women like Oprah, Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Rosa Parks, etc., are all women that we know something about. However, look at that number. Of course, we as black people can recall so many more black women who have made an impact, but how many of those black women go overlooked? In all, this does nothing more than suggest that the issue of race continues and remains to be an issue when it comes to importance, achievements, success and more.

What can we do to "fix" this? I feel there is no direct answer for this, but you have to be the change you want to see. If this is how society in general perceives us, we have to do more to be heard. A lot of women are doing what they can and more but we must come together. I would rather stand with 100 others than one other. We have to realize that this is greater than just us. We must think about not only our future, but generations that will come after us. I would like for my niece and her children to know that there is medical care tailored to the needs of the African-American and not just the general public. Our voice and our values should be appreciated equally, just like everyone else's. We deserve it.

Sidebar-I did a search for "black women" in Google Images (safe-search off) and the first row of pictures were of black women who were naked, using a sex toy or in some type of scene from a porn. In the second row, there was an image still, in the midst of it all, from a video about black women on the rise in the field of business. I then did a search for "white women" and in the first row were no naked pictures of white women, some in bikinis or loose clothing, but I saw no body parts or porn images. Try the search yourself to see the stark contrast.

My name is Tasha Burton and I am the owner/operator of Belle Butters, LLC. I am a rater for a research study about ADHD/ASD as my full-time gig. I am also a photography hobbyist. I love to write, read, attend concerts and analyze this thing we call life. I plan on leaving a few heavy footprints on the world, so my evolution is in constant motion. I love to empower and teach others what I have learned and share useful information. Visit her blog Blogging Impulse.

A follow-up to Dungy's debut collection What to Eat, What to Drink, What to Leave for Poison, her second book Suck on the Marrow consists of historically-based fictional accounts of former slaves and free blacks. It's a braided narrative told from the perspectives of Joseph, a freeman abducted into slavery, his wife Melinda who becomes with the abolitionist movement after Joseph’s disappearance, Molly and Shad who work on the Jackson Farm in Virginia where Joseph ends up, Dinah and Rebecca at the Jennings Home, and other characters. Many of the instances can be traced to actual historical figures embroiled in “the peculiar institution” such as Ida B. Wells’ account of a woman lynched by being sealed in a barrel punctured by nails and a woman who escapes like Henry “Box” Brown.

Each poem addresses this forced servitude and the small rebellions staged by women. There are letters that Joseph imagines writing to Melinda. “Lesson” is a haunting poem about the differences between the children whom slave women were permitted to care for and their own often-neglected children. Dungy breaks the short poem into two overlapping columns that place these children side by side. “Code” explores how Miss Amy punishes Lena when her husband, Lena’s master, sexually assaults her. “At Madame Jane’s” explores how Rebecca is at least paid for sexual intrusions in a brothel after escaping slavery. Each of these poems explores a different facet of black womanhood during this era of American history. This book could easily sit on the shelf beside Women of Plums by Dolores Kendrick and Linda Brent’s Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl.

“Complicit” is a poem written from Melinda’s perspective after Joseph Freeman has been abducted into slavery. She is silently boycotting the products that use slave labor while her employer talks of rounding up black people being liberated and returned to Liberia. In these 4-line stanzas, you can feel Melinda’s tension and the relief that she feels when she can wear cotton in the summer and not wonder if her husband’s hands have touched the cloth that she uses to make shirts for “the little Cartwright men.” If you only read the italicized on the right hand side, sounds like Melinda’s appealing to the others to boycott too.

It’s that time of year. It’s also time for holiday parties, office gathers and fun times to be had. During this time of year, you may feel compelled to bring the traditional bottle of wine to an event that you may be attending. This is a nice gesture and I am sure very appreciated, but instead of the same old bottle of wine, this year, try something a little different and create a new tradition by bringing a Holiday Cocktail Kit along to the festivities.

Holiday Cocktail Kits are small baskets or packages that are comprised of your favorite cocktail recipes and all of the ingredients that are needed in order to make the cocktails you love. Your kits can be as simple or as complicated as you’d like and can involve everything from a simple glass with ice, to doing some wonderful mixologist tricks to wow the crowd.

These are three of my favorite holiday cocktails that are not only simple to make but are universally enjoyed during the holiday season.

Christmas Cosmopolitan
Ingredients:
• ½ oz. Triple sec (your favorite brand is fine!)
• ½ oz. Cranberry Juice
• 1 tsp. Lime Juice (fresh is best.)
• 1 oz. Vodka
Place all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a fresh cranberry after pouring.

French Martini
Ingredients
• 1.5 oz. Vodka
• ½ oz. Chambord
• 2 oz. Pineapple Juice
Shake ingredients with ice and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a pineapple wedge and a mint leaf.

Pomegranate Christmas Mojito
Ingredients
• 8-10 mint leaves
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
• 6 tablespoons rum
• ¼ cup pomegranate juice
• 1/8-1/4 fluid oz club soda

Combine the sugar, lime juice and mint leaves in a tall glass; mash with the back of a spoon. Mix in the rum and pomegranate juice. Fill glass with ice and top with a splash of club soda. Garnish with fresh pomegranate seeds and mint leaves.

I hope these recipes provide you with inspiration to create your own Christmas Cocktail Kits and create a new tradition with your friends and families. Have a happy and healthy holiday season, be safe and ENJOY!!!!

Michelle is a Midwestern girl, with a Southern heart and a bit of an eccentric streak running through her. Along with being a wife and mother of 2, she also wears the hats of student, counselor, life coach,cook, friend and occasional matchmaker, all while keeping a Zen like approach to life and all that comes with it. Balance and comedy are the keys to keeping life interesting and livable and she has ALMOST mastered both.

The Hyde Amendment was “designed to deprive poor and minority women of the constitutional right to choose abortion” – Justice Thurgood Marshall.

I’ll certainly would like to prevent, if I could legally anybody having an abortion, a rich woman, a middle class woman, or a poor woman. Unfortunately, the only vehicle available is the …Medicaid bill –U.S Representative Henry Hyde (R-IL)

Charlene Carruthers is an activist, writer and youth organizer. A native of Chicago, Charlene is seeker of freedom, love and justice. Mostly recently at the Lawyers Committee for Civil Rights under Law, her work has focused on working with communities of color and women to transform communities. She currently lives in Washington, DC, you can find her on twitter @NvrComfortable and at www.freedomlovejustice.com.

ForHarriet.com is launching the My Sister’s Keeper Project in order to spread the word about the necessity of mental healthcare in our community and affect more women.

Last week, I was inspired to write this letter to the For Harriet community after a particularly affecting Twitter exchange. In the letter, I proposed Black women come together to provide each other mental healthcare referrals and resources. Since that post was published, we have received a number of responses, and I truly appreciate your help. However, it has occurred to me that we at For Harriet can do more.


Why?
Only 1 in 3 African Americans who need mental healthcare receive it (1). We often make mention of the emotional baggage that we, as Black women, carry, but these discussions are rarely transition to promotion of concrete solutions for emotional wellness. Furthermore, the black blogosphere often makes the mental instability and emotional trauma of Black women the butt of the joke (see: videos of former actress Maia Campbell or Marta Girl).

Though this project will not eliminate challenges in access and affordability (though we will try), we can make headway in dismantling the fear and shame that accompanies seeking treatment.

What?
We are assembling a directory of recommended mental healthcare professionals around the country as well as resources for women experiencing mental illness and emotional trauma. For Harriet will also publish regular features for the My Sister’s Keeper Project including essays, Q&As with mental healthcare professionals, tweet chats and more.

Get Involved

Contribute: Send psychiatrist and psychologist recommendations to mentalhealth@forharriet.com. In addition we’re looking for the websites, blogs, books, movies, podcasts etc. that could be of encouragement to women enduring emotional trials.

Blog: Let your readers know about the My Sister’s Keeper Project or your own experiences with mental illness or therapy. Send us the link, and we will post it her and on the My Sister’s Keeper section of Voices Lifted.

Share: Honesty is the key to wellness. Share your own mental health experiences with your Twitter followers Facebook friends, and feel free to share this post and others in our My Sister’s Keeper series on Twitter.

As usual, if you have something to say about the project or mental and emotional health, feel free to submit a piece to For Harriet.

In a few days, For Harriet will celebrate 6 months of existence. This is a time for me, as the founder and editor, to reorient our priorities as a digital publication. This will be one of our primary focuses entering the new year.

Lastly, your donations help to keep For Harriet running. If you have $5 to spare, we would truly appreciate your support.

For more information on the My Sister's Keeper Project email us at MSKProject@forharriet.com.


-Kimberly N. Foster, Founder & Editor in Chief

1. http://www.womenshealth.gov/minority/africanamerican/mental-health.cfm

Writeups on The My Sister's Keeper Project

The Write Curl Diary

"Remembering Mine” will discuss poetry books, individual poems, and anthologies featuring poetry by women of African descent. It’s extremely difficult to publish a first collection of poetry, much less a second or third collection. As a result, I hope you find some new voices to support and some old favorites that will make you nod in recognition and smile. Since she inspired the title of this column, and I was able to study with her, a cue from Ms. Clifton was only fitting for my first poem. Clifton reminds us that we can do so much to generate interest in work by people with experiences similar to ours. We can insist on remember the beautiful and ugly parts of our circumstances, our history, successes, and challenges.

This is one of many short poems by Clifton that reminds us that everything we experience has a context. Everything connects us to a larger experience and a longer timeline. Recently, a student of mine asked me why should he go see or read ntozake shange’s for colored girls… since the title explicitly said that it wasn’t addressed to him. As a teacher, I reminded him (and the class) that literature opens up the breadth of our experience, whether it’s about us or not. If we remember, retell, and document our stories, then we’re aware there is not one way of being, one way of telling. We’re protected from the harsh words that aren’t always the truth. Clifton often talked about how children’s literature needed to offer windows for children to see the worlds unlike their own, but they also needed mirrors to see themselves in literature.

“why some people be mad at me sometimes” originally appeared in Clifton’s 1987 collection next, and is still in print in her volume of new and selected poems Blessing the Boats, released in 2000. Both books were published by BOA Editions. This poem reiterates that it’s a beautiful thing to look in the mirror, sometimes.

why some people be mad at me sometimes
they ask me to remember

but they want me to remember

their memories

and I keep on remembering
mine
—Lucille Clifton

Tara Betts is the author of Arc & Hue. She teaches creative writing at Rutgers University. She represented Chicago twice in the National Poetry Slam and appeared on HBO's "Def Poetry Jam" and Jessica Care Moore's "SPOKEN." Her work has been published in Essence, Callaloo, PMS, That Takes Ovaries!, Bum Rush the Page, both Spoken Word Revolution anthologies, among other publications. You can find her on twitter as @tarabetts and at http://www.tarabetts.net.

Raising children is one of the most important things a person can do. They have the ability to mold another human being into the person they will ultimately become. This is why I take parenthood very seriously and suggest that people only embark on it once they are completely ready for the task. A few months ago I wrote a post entitled Are You Raising A Good Black Man?Now is the time to apply that same logic towards our daughters who need as much guidance and our sons. There are some patterns that if altered immediately could lead to making a positive difference in our next generation of women. Here are a few thoughts I had. Feel free to add on.

Independence

She is responsible for herself. Independence is necessary. Especially in this society we live in. Teach your daughters that they are responsible for themselves. They are accountable for their own lives and the direction that it goes. By a certain age, they are also responsible for their own welfare and that includes being financially responsible. It is never okay to wait for a man to take care of you or expect him to be your savior. Teach them to be their own savior and hero first. Even if she finds a man that is willing to take care of her every need she should still be capable of facilitating those same needs if said man decides he wants out. Teach her not to crumble if he does.

Dear For Harriet Family,

If you follow me on Twitter, you've seen that I am exceedingly candid about my continued journey to mental and emotional health. It is uncomfortable and at times embarrassing, but I'm honest because I have no other choice. Years of suffering in silence left me in a darkness so consuming that deep, candid self-reflection provides my only hope for liberation.

I have, of course, been meaning to write about my experiences as a depressed child for this website, but personal and professional distractions have kept me from it. Nevertheless, I admire and appreciate women like Daree and Michelle for sharing their stories.

A recent Twitter exchange left me feeling inspired to use this forum to do more to disseminate information about mental and emotional health in this space and beyond. This is an opportunity for the For Harriet community to truly make a difference.

Seeking treatment can be a daunting and frustrating process. A single bad experience with an unqualified or unprofessional treater can set you back months or even years, and solid referrals often mean the difference between failure and success.

I am asking that you share with us your mental healthcare resources. Have you ever received treatment for mental illness or emotional trauma? Please help a woman looking to take steps to change her life by providing a referral to your psychiatrist or psychologist.  Referrals can be anonymous and you can submit them via comment on this blog post or email at mentalhealth@forharriet.com. Please be sure to include the city where your treater is located. 

However, I do recognize that the economic barriers to mental healthcare can be just as prohibitive as the psychological, so I hope you will share the websites, blogs, books, movies, podcasts etc. that have helped you scale your emotional depths. These things are not meant to be substitutes for professional treatment but supplements.

By Arielle Loren

It is rare that a film invades my imagination to the point of insomnia. After seeing Tanya Hamilton’s Night Catches Us starring Kerry Washington and Anthony Mackie, I felt a sense of deep pride wash over my body and nudge my mind into continuous thoughts about the potential for independent productions to rebalance diversity in black film. Based in Philadelphia, Night Catches Us tells the story of two former black panthers trying to re-establish life after leaving The Party and the death of a fellow panther years ago. While the central plot revolves around these two characters’ lives, Hamilton integrates into the film historic footage of the Black Panther Party. As this era of black history often is pigeonholed to radicalism, Hamilton truly humanizes The Party through several scenes of police brutality, corruption, and community gatherings. For instance, Washington’s character, Patricia, would raise money to pay the legal fees for her less fortunate clients and feed every child on the block even when she couldn’t pay her light bill.

This sentiment of “community first” is the history with which I identify and the one that I wish we could spread to more mainstream screens. While watching this film, I saw my reflection. From Washington’s afro to her desire to serve her community, I felt hope again for the half-baked images rummaging through mainstream black film. Night Catches Us only is playing in select theaters, BUT you can rent it on iTunes and On Demand via Comcast. Thus, there’s no excuse not to support this film; we’ve got to support the films that we want to see in the mainstream. I hope Night Catches Us will be nominated for an Oscar and brought to larger screens. As a first time director, Hamilton has left me quite impressed and I can’t wait to see what other stories she will bring to life during her career. Additionally, I am truly proud to see my reflection in her too.

Check out the trailer Night Catches Us below and if you haven’t seen the film, view it on iTunes.


Tell me, how can we get more films like this onto the big screen?
ORIGINALLY POSTED HERE

As a reformed Debt Diva, I have had my share of collection calls, notices to disconnect andplenty sleepless nights all in the name of looking good, feeling accepted and in- the- know. Being in the Fashion Industry, it has privileged me to see consuming debt is deeper thanaesthetics. It’s about filling a void that is best explained in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. As Iponder what it takes to reach financial peace its more than just budgeting, bank reconciliation and the cutting of credit cards. Its self love, a strong “why”, and being aware of your true needs that put you on the path to financial peace. Financial peace has to occur before you can beginto build wealth. Here is how to get started:

1. Mind your business.

Change your perception of money and what it will do for you… Nothing will change if yourthoughts don’t. If you see debt as a mountain you will never want to repay it, but if you see it asa dream blocker your why because stronger so that action will proceed. Money is plentiful tothose who see money as a tool to fuel their dreams.

2. Love never fails.

Ask yourself if I am spending in honor of my values, dreams and goals or am I honoring mywants, other people’s perception of me, or am I filling a void? When you begin to ask honestquestions the result is your heart will cultivate honest answers, then real actions take place. Becoming aware of why we spend excessively will become the driving force in getting it right. Wisdom drives thoughts, thoughts drives emotion and honest emotions drive change.

3. From start to finish.

Analyze where you are financially. Reconcile bank accounts, check your credit, open piles ofavoided letters and return those messages that have filled your voicemail. You cannot reach the finish line until you have equipped yourself with the right tools for the journey. Your journey may only require simple adjustments such as cell phone plan, eating out less, clipping more coupons or it may require a little more maintenance like: making more money, creditcounseling to figure out the best strategy. Know what you need before you begin your quest. Being prepared always ends with a successful outcome.

4. The Journey Ahead

Develop a 3-5 year debt repayment plan. Challenge yourself to get it done within this timeframe. This step is scary as it will open the doors to being even more honest with yourself as what you will need to get to the final destination of peace. When we are faced with an ultimate challenge are creative juices begin to flow, give your mind some homework!

5. Balancing Act

Learn to balance debt and expenses. Step 4 is imperative as it sets you up for this step. Debt is to be included in your daily spending log. Debt and savings should be added as payments nottag alongs. Again this requires a little more honesty on your behalf. You may need to trim backeven further or add additional income to achieve this balancing act. Keep at it no matter if youfall short. Acrobats didn’t walk the tightrope in a day, they fall, got up, fell, got up until the balancing became effortless.

6. The power of “NO”

Use the word “no” more often. After all, it is an actual word in the dictionary. Saying “no” is a word difficult for most women to utter, but it can be the most liberating word you have ever spoken. Boundaries are the necessary evils to accomplish any goals especially as it relates tomoney. Learning to use the word comes with self love, acceptance and becoming more awareof your needs rather than your wants. Saying “no” to a few upgrades, to extra caramel on yourlatte, no to a super size drink can not only trim your expenses your waist line will thank you too.Those small changes can bring your over $500 in a three year period.

7. Embracing the Journey.

Find new ways to occupy your space in the world. Journalize your experience, chances are youhave discovered lots about yourself through this process. Maybe you have found a new passion,new career path, courage to pursue your dreams. Place one foot in front of the other and begindown the road to building wealth.

Marcia Paige is the Founder of MAP Financial Empowerment Group where they empower women to be CEOs of their finances, families and fortunes. Follow the group on Face book fan page Stilettos & Stacks to receive inspirational and action steps to take on money. Jan 2011 MAP will begin Debt Diva’s Anonymous Calls to coach women through everyday financial struggles.

We scoured all corners of the web to find compelling content, on all topics, created by Black women. Here are this week’s must reads.

What, Exactly, Is Emotional Eating? [A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss]

Deconstructing the Down Low Phenomenon: Thank You Mr. Perry for Another Stereotype [Arielle Loren]

As Pearl Cleage wrote in What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day, “I got HIV from fucking men.” For most women, that’s the reality. Sexual orientation is irrelevant. The truth is that unprotected sex feels good and better than protected sex, so let’s stop beating around the bush. And if women want to take the risk of engaging in that type of contact with their male partners, there is no one to blame but themselves. Wrap It Up or Shut Up. That’s my new campaign and I may actually launch it.

What's Beef? A Rational Look at Why Lil Kim is Mad at Nicki Minaj [Gangstarr Girl]

10 Ways to Lower Your Heat Bill This Winter [Savvy Brown]

Real Talk, Wrong Talk [The Beautiful Struggler]

Never will I let “He doesn’t know any better” be an excuse for out and out street harassment or disregard for a woman’s personal space and/or her ability to travel the world freely. However, I can’t help but wonder if anyone is even attempting to talk to some of these men about how to approach a lady they find attractive. the problem with “Hey, bitch! C’mere!” should be common sense, but the leigons of men hollering “Yo, shorty” might not have gotten any lessons in the proper way to get a woman’s attention.

A Return to Myself: A Delayed Response to For Colored Girls [The Crunk Feminist Collective]

Love Adventures [Jo Nubian]

In that moment I realized that I can’t keep all my syrupy sweet loving to myself because I’m afraid that someone, or at least a lesser someone, may purloin it. I have no desire to be a hoarder, a bag lady. That simply ain’t my thing. I prepared a nice hefty plate for the new man in my life. If he behaves, he may be the recipient of even greater sustenance. My love’s too good to keep bottled up and blue. I hope you know yours is too…

Blogging 101: How I Make Money On My Blog [The Cubicle Chick]

5 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex When I Was Younger [Funky Brown Chick]

FEM confusion: Digital Deaths for AIDS relief? [The Feminista Files]

First, I detest the fact that these celebrities are acting as if not tweeting is a sacrifice. And that is what they are saying here - literally. I am willing to sacrifice my digital life for charity. Totally stupid especially since their power is in tweeting to their millions of followers. How is not tweeting to them a good idea?

Bonus:

Watch this profile of AIDS activist Rae Lewis-Thornton.


Be sure to listen to the 2nd edition of the For Harriet Roundtable Podcast

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This AIDS-related post may look like a commercial for Tyler Perry's new movie, For Colored Girls (Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf)". But, no. This is just expression of frustration with The Way Things Are when it comes to HIV/AIDS awareness in the U.S.

For background, you should know that last October, New York City revealed that all of the city's newly diagnosed cases of HIV were among Black or Latina women.

Well, OK. Not all of New York's new HIV patients are women of color. Just 93.4%. Feel better?

Across the United States, right now, women make up more than 1 in 4 new cases of HIV/AIDS. Of those women, 2 out of 3 are African American. Almost all of the women contracted the disease after unprotected sex with a man. If you're a woman reading this , you should be sitting up a little straighter right now. If you're a black or Latina woman, you should you belooking for your keys because you're leaving to get an AIDS test or pick up your man and get one together.

One more thing: I'm sure I speak for the Centers for Disease Control when I say, please check out the ages of Americans newly diagnosed with HIV in 2008:

Ages -- New HIV Cases
20-24 -- 5,427
25-29 -- 5,646
30-34 -- 5,096
35-39 -- 5,418
40-44 -- 5,788
45-49 -- 5,023
50-54 -- 3,254

HIV isn't all about the kiddies. Heck, there's not even that big of a drop for the fiftysomethings. HIV/AIDS is about you and me. And whoever you're having sex with, and whomever they had sex with, and on and on.

Here's where Tyler Perry comes in.

Black women are falling, and failing, because of misinformation, lack of information and a community that by and large even now wants to believe that African American men either prance like reality TV types in heels, or they're Capital H Hetero. LL Cool J.

Neither the church nor popular culture wants to acknowledge the men of color who have sex with women out in the open and in secret with men. We know what "being on the down low" means, even as we deny it exists.

I searched the Internet again and again for reviews of Mr. Perry's version of For Colored Girls (as opposed to the 1976 Tony Award-winning play by Ntozake Shange). To keep it quite real, Mr. Perry is both demonized and lionized by the black community, so I found blog posts that made me think deep thoughts and reviews that shocked me with their crassness.

Here's what I didn't find. I didn't find anyone commending Mr. Perry for using his "must-see" movie to shake Black women out of their "couldn't happen to me" denial about HIV. If you found it, send me a link. Please.

In the film, Juanita, played by the scene-commanding Loretta Devine, works as a nurse in a women's clinic where she teaches about condoms and offers the best safe sex advice of all: High self-esteem can save your life. Mean it when you say, "No glove? No love."

The character played by Kerry Washington has become infertile from a sexually transmitted disease she contracted before she met her husband, the movie's adorable Good Guy.

It's left to superstar Janet Jackson (channeling Miranda Priestly) to serve as the viewer's ultimate wake-up call. She plays the long-suffering wife of a distant husband who is having sex with other men. [SPOILER ALERT] Her orderly world crashes with the revelation that her down-low husband has given her HIV.

The film deals with issues of dysfunctional relationships of every stripe, domestic abuse, rape, war-induced post-traumatic stress, religious fervor. African American commentators are fired up from coast to coast. Oooh, For Colored Girls makes black women look bad. Oooh, it makes black men look bad.

Seriously?

AIDS makes everybody look bad.

Props to Tyler Perry. More black women will catch the messages about HIV-prevention in this movie than a fleet of educators and social workers could ever capture. I do wish there'd been a MAJOR corresponding HIV-education campaign rolled out with For Colored Girls, but I'm not mad at Tyler Perry. Not at all.

Karen Malone Wright is a modern communication strategist assisting organizations, businesses and individuals looking to grow business, find donors or simply tell a story. Her blog, Communications Goddess, celebrates modern communication in every form, with an emphasis on all things Internet and the needs of professional communicators.