An Open Letter to Single Black Women3/04/2012
Dear Triumphant Scientifically Attractive Marriageable Single Black Woman, Sweet kisses? Tender caresses? Inspiring words? Early morning ...
Dear Triumphant Scientifically Attractive Marriageable Single Black Woman,
Sweet kisses? Tender caresses? Inspiring words? Early morning love-making sessions with the person who has promised to love and support you through poverty and wealth, sickness and health as long as you both shall live?
Yes, yes, and more yes. That is exactly what you deserve if your heart so desires.
So to the extent that the negative media surrounding black women's beauty and relationship prospects, or what Ariana Proehl refers to as the "Tragic Scientifically Unattractive Unmarriageable Single Black Woman Narrative," has led you to consider giving up on love for one millisecond, I pray that you will reconsider.
Yes, I understand that during the past two years the media has been throwing spears in your direction. Pop singer John Mayer proclaimed that his white supremacist penis won't allow him to date or mate with a black woman. Our own black brother NFL player, Albert Haynesworth exclaimed that he can't remember the last time he dated a black woman. Quack scientist Satoshi Kanazawa published an article with "scientific evidence" that black women were less attractive than other women. Countless academics continue to pontificate on the African-American marriage decline while citing black male incarceration rates and high-school drop-out rates to explain the dearth of eligible black men to marry you. It is enough to make you vomit, lose hope and decide to solely focus on other things such as community or political activism.
But I have a question for you.
When have you ever allowed the stereotypes, negative statistics or euro-centric notions of beauty heralded by the mass media to define you or circumscribe your aspirations?
Related: Five Things I’ve Learned as a Single Woman
Regardless of how many times the self-denying and sexless Aunt Jemima greets you in the supermarket with her Kool-Aid smile, you continue to take time to attend to your own needs while enjoying your vibrant sexuality on your own terms. No matter how many scantily-clad sexually-insatiable jezebels are gyrating on your television screen you understand the sanctity of your womb and share your body accordingly. Another sitcom featuring an angry black woman-sapphire with her hand on her hips and eyes rolling has never prevented you from seeing yourself as the complex, loving, vulnerable, sensitive and fully-human woman that you are. Finally, regardless of how many pale, blonde-haired and blue-eyed women appear on the cover of Vogue and Glamour you still believe that Lauryn Hill and Naomi Campbell are among the most stunning women on the planet and you continue to turn heads each day with your flawless brown skin and radiant smile.
Perhaps Maya Angelou said it best when she told us, "You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies, you may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I rise." Sister, just as you have risen to achieve every other academic, career or social goal that you have set for yourself, you may also achieve your dream of a attaining a life partner with whom you can share the joys, sorrows, victories and trials of life. The secret is that your ability to find a suitable mate actually has less to do with black male incarceration rates and high-school drop-out rates and more to do your individual approach to love. When you decide to envision the kind and quality of love that you want and make an effort to be open to a partner who can give you that love -- regardless of that person's race, color, occupation or other demographic statistics -- you are getting to love's essence and the universe responds by revealing abundant possibilities.
So go ahead and be your intelligent, beautiful, phenomenal self as you continue to do the important work of nurturing and affirming yourself and others, achieving your career goals, and fully participating in community and political activism. But please continue to believe in love. Despite the media hype, the vast majority of black men are interested in black women and there are more non-black men in America open to relationships with black women than there are black women. Love is out there for you if you are ready to get to love's essence.