Stop Saying Black Men Don't Want Black Women1/13/2013
It seems everyone wants single, Black women to live in fear. Many are convinced we think too highly of ourselves, and they've made it t...
It seems everyone wants single, Black women to live in fear. Many are convinced we think too highly of ourselves, and they've made it their mission to tell us over and over again that we will be forever alone. But the facts simply don't bear that out.
There's a myth that the majority of Black men will choose any non-black woman before they partner with a Black woman. That's a myth. The number of Black men marrying non-black women has grown in recent years, still nearly 80% of Black men walk down the aisle with Black women.
Now, I've certainly seen my share of interracial partnerships that made me raise an eyebrow. And, yes, some no-good Black men can't wait to praise non-black women and degrade Black ones. But most of us wouldn't want them anyway, and those voices get far too much attention.
In that famous line from “Gold Digger” Kanye said, “When he get on he'll leave your ass for a white girl.” Kanye spoke his own life with those words, but I can't say that mentality represents the majority of single, successful Black men. The Black men I know overwhelmingly express preferences for a black spouse. Black women aren't the only ones looking up to Barack and Michelle or Jay Z and Beyonce. Men want to be in black power couples as well. Many men are just as invested in building strong, black families as women, and the numbers prove it.
Why, then, has the myth of Black women's undesirability persisted? And why are so many Black women invested in keeping it alive? I question the reasoning of Black women who spend their days telling other black women that we should just cut our losses and date out. Those sentiments so often seem to stem from a place of bitterness and hurt. If you are happy and fulfilled in an interracial relationship, that is what's best for you. Black women's desires to find and accept love within every ethnicity should be encouraged, but some of us do desire to create families with men whom we share a particular bond. That desire is also valid.
I am a complicated woman. I have many, many flaws, yet I still have no fear that I will one day find a Black man to love. I ignore most of the silly preferences I hear men throw out on and offline. This is how I've avoided being swept up in the wave of useless self-help dished out by worthless or formerly worthless Black men. I know and see far too many brilliant black couples everyday to ever fall victim to the myth that the men that I desire don't hate me or women who look like me. My strategy is to focus on the want me not the ones who don't. Countless Black men love and adore black women. I'll remain focused on them.
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Stop Looking for the Perfect Man
Kimberly Foster is the founder and editor of For Harriet. Email or Tweet her.